I Rant...I Rave

What a Wild Ride!

2010-01-19T09:52:00.004-06:00

So, I was an inpatient in the hospital from since before Christmas, until a few days after New Year's (around the 6th or 7th or so). Mainly because they were very concerned about the tumor on my hip, because it was pushing on my organs (specifically my kidney), and the doctor was afraid of Tumor Lysis, after the Chemotherapy. Which I received 4 rounds in 4 days, whereas usually you receive a round every 2-3 weeks.

The day I was let out, they started collecting my Stem Cells for a Stem Cell Transplant, which is a pretty daunting task. They want around 50 million, and I was only outputting around 2.5 million per collection, which takes about 3-4 hours a day to complete. So, even though I was let out of the hospital, I still had to come to the hospital twice a day, to get growth hormone injections (they make your white blood cells produce in an overabundance), get vitals done, and to get blood work. And of course the occasional blood or platelets transfusion.

Finally, I was done collecting this past Wednesday, and saw the Transplant Doctor on Thursday, and his plans are to do more Chemotherapy for the tumor on my hip (to get it as shrunken down as they possibly can), and then a Stem Cell Transplant most likely in the summer. It takes another 3-6 months to recover from the Stem Cell Transplant, so I'm looking at being back to some sort of normalcy around this time next year. Good news is that I'm on a week-long "Mini-Vacation" from going to the hospital. Loving it!

Oh! And my hair finally fell out - so I got it shaved again. And I got a FABULOUS new hat that I'm totally wearing out.

Whoops!

2009-12-26T13:06:00.001-06:00

Here are some pics of the new 'do:

Something's Coming....

2009-12-16T02:47:00.001-06:00

A new look for me :)

I dyed my hair tonight...pics to come tomorrow...try & control your excitement :)

Where I'm Headed

2009-12-15T21:02:00.005-06:00

I had a doctor's appointment this morning, and when I went in to get my blood drawn, and vitals - the nurse who told me to go to the ER immediately, said "You threw us all through a loop, Ms. Kim". Hell, I threw myself through a loop. Never in my wildest imagination did I honestly believe that the cancer would come back. I was absolutely positive that I was cured, and just thought that I had a blood clot, which is a little scary itself.

My chauffeur(because my dumb butt left my keys in Illinois - and am waiting for them to arrive in the mail), MB took me there today, and was a really good support system. My oncologist came in, and said "I am so sorry that tumor has come back". I mean, what am I supposed to say? It isn't her fault. My Bone Marrow Biopsy, PET and CAT Scans has all been coming back clear since July. I didn't stop taking Chemo until August, but I guess technically I had been in remission for only five months. I knew that this type of NHL was aggressive, and that your doctor would watch you like a hawk for the first 2 years of your remission. I was getting CT and PET scans every three months. I my last clear scan in Mid-October, and the tumor grew from sometime between Halloween until December 7th. And 10cm x 10cm, too! But how could she anticipate it coming back so fast? My flow cytometry test when I was in the hospital showed that it was unlikely that it would come back.

So, she decided upon Chemotherapy beginning December 29th, a day after I turn 24. I have to do it on an inpatient basis, and I'm not positive, but I believe that it is a more aggressive type of Chemo, to shrink the tumor, because my oncologist wants me to have a bone marrow transplant.

So, it isn't the tumor that's breaking down the bone. It is cancer in the bone marrow again. The tumor has caused both my left hip joint to widen has done damage to the muscle. That, and combined with my left leg still being incredibly swollen, has caused me to be extremely uncomfortable. The hospital in Illinois had me on Morphine in the hospital, and then prescribed Norco when I was released, which is a stronger form of Vicodin which really didn't help all that much. So my oncologist prescribed both Percocet (Oxycodone and Tylenol) AND Oxycontin.

I have a crazy day on Friday. A bone marrow biopsy first thing in the morning, then a cardiac test, and finally a PET scan. I figure she must be concerned if she's already scheduling the treatment before having these results. Now they did do a CT Scan in Illinois last week, but a PET Scan will determine quite a bit, and the bone marrow to see if it is Stage IV. Which from the CT Scan, it shows that the bone marrow in the hip is highly involved.

I'm convinced to kick this thing where it hurts, and until I start treatments, I am not about to sit idly by. I'm going to a play on Saturday night, and on Tuesday night I am throwing myself a party at a Piano Bar to sing publicly and have a couple of drinks for the last time in at least six months. Diva-ish, oh probably. But I really want to thank the people who have been so supportive of me publicly. It's amazing to not be from somewhere, and have such a strong support system.

Since I'm really too sick to travel home for Christmas, I am going to one of my best friend's house for a SOUTHERN Christmas meal. My first ever. I'm so psyched! I've only ever had the Hepworth version of a Christmas dinner. Rib Roast, twice baked potatoes, Broccoli, Fruit Salad, Sauteed mushrooms, and usually some kind of fruit pie for dessert.

And after that, it's getting ready to go into the hospital for however long.

For some reason, although I feel like my body is giving out most of the time, I'm in really good spirits. Maybe its the pain pills, or anti-depressants that I'm on, but I think its mainly because I know what Chemo entails, and I'm more prepared this time to fight.

And fight I will. No matter how long it takes.

Me & Stella Kitty Re-Bonding

Enjoying my hair while I can!

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

2009-12-08T02:58:00.003-06:00

Here I was, all ready to take the world by storm again - and this beast comes in to rear its ugly head. And so soon. I've only been in remission for FOUR FREAKING MONTHS...give me a break!

My leg became swollen yesterday morning, and instead of freaking out, I thought it was just hormones or something, so I kept it elevated for nearly 24 hours, and was almost positive that it would go down. It didn't. It kept swelling.

So I called my oncologist first thing this morning and explained that I was out of town, and would she rather me wait to see her when I got in town, or go to the ER here in Springfield - they said go to the ER ASAP to get a Doppler (Ultra Sound) and "other tests". I knew with the Doppler that they were worried about a blood clot, which is quite common with people who have had Lymphoma. They didn't need to tell me what they meant by "Other Tests". They meant cancer tests.

So I did both. Luckily, my sister was with me. You know it's REALLY not a good sign when the doctor begins by saying "I don't have good news". I figured it was a blood clot. Which is scary within itself, but doable. Not me. They found a mass on my pelvis, which is 10cm (which is very large for a mass), and destroying part of the bone which its resting on. AND I have a blood clot.

Here I am in the hospital, on IV Heparin (blood thinner), and preparing for tomorrow. My oncologist is supposed to be talking with an oncologist here to talk about what we are to do. I have to be stable before I can travel back to Little Rock to begin treatment, so it's a real possibility that I'll start Chemo here, and then finish up in Little Rock. All the while preparing for a Stem Cell Transplant.

Man. I thought I was done. Looks like I've got another long road ahead of me. But you had best believe, I'll kick its ass for the 2nd time.

What Have I Been Up To?

2009-12-04T22:37:00.003-06:00

Well, it's been a roller coaster of a month. Sort of.

The past 9 months I guess I have been a bit in a haze. Pharmaceutically speaking, anyways. From February 28th until about 3 weeks ago, I have been perpetually in a haze due to beginning with Vicodin, increasing to Percocet and Ativan when I was admitted into the hospital on March 1st, and then changing to Oxycodone (since I was prohibited from taking any sort of NSAIDS (Tylenol, Aleve, or Ibuprofen) and Ativan, and then adding Companzine (Prochlor) and Zofran when I was going through Chemo in Mid-March through mid-August. I stopped taking all but the Ativan & Oxycodone until October, so I have been completely "sober" since then.

So I am sure that not only did this haze I was in was part of the reason why I am feeling a bit strange this past month. As of December 1st, it has been exactly 9 months since I heard my diagnosis. I am realizing what a really scary thing that it was just now. I believe that when someone is honestly really faced with their own mortality, you are truly presented with choice of "fight or flight", and obviously chose to fight. I wasn't sure at the time, but the cancer was really a further more advanced than I once thought, or maybe I knew and my mind just couldn't process that information at that time, for my own sanity.

So, like a lot of people who have had to use this Superwoman kind of adrenaline to fight such a beastly of disease, when I was put in remission I was honestly kind of let down. I had used up all of this energy and now I have no where in which to place it. I was mentally ready to take the world by storm once again, and my body was so not ready for that. Eight rounds of chemo really does crazy things to your body. I thought I was prepared for it. And no matter how many people tell you how bad it is, even when you watch someone go through it - believe me, it's 10 times worse than you could imagine. I watched my mom go through it 20 years ago, so I thought I knew. Man, I did not. When my mom dropped me off at home before my first treatment started, she told me that if given the choice between open heart surgery and chemo, she would choose heart surgery. It was honestly the absolute worst best thing that I ever went through in my life.

Sobering up, and then actually have to deal emotionally with things that you have basically been sleepwalking through is quite a feat. With some survivors, you develop a bit of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I am remembering things in flashes that I have slept through since March. It is all a bit surreal. I am on Celexa now, for the depression - and I think it's really helped a lot. But this week for some reason I've been remembering a lot more, and more vividly as well. A truly scary thing.

I was doing incredibly well - I helped out backstage with a wonderful and moving production at the Weekend Theater in Little Rock, and then I actually was dealt two curve balls in my life that really tested me emotionally, and I think that I handled them quite well. I think the one great lesson that I have learned is that some things now just seem incredibly insignificant in the grand scheme of things.

So, I'm surviving. A survivor. I think that of all things is what I am most greatful for this holiday season.

Look...I Have Hair...

2009-11-11T02:58:00.002-06:00

I have gone from this in May:

To this as of last week:

When I think of what has always made me "me", it has always been my hair, and my smile. Chemo made me lose my hair, and thanks to a handy surgeon with a happy hand, my smile is now crooked. This has made me re-evaluate what is truly me. What is on the inside is so much more precious than what would ever be on the outside. I try to push people away who are interested in me, because of my lack of hair, and feeling insecure about my newly "crooked" smile.

Then, who knew that a cashier at Walgreens could help me put things into perspective? She looked at me and said "Your hair is really inspiring. What made you cut it all off?" - I told her that I HAD Cancer, and that it was just now growing back. She asked me to listed to the song "I Am Not My Hair" by India.Arie, and these lyrics really hit home:

"...Cancer and Chemotherapy
Took away her crown and glory
She promised God if she was to survive
She would enjoy everyday of her life...

I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations no no
I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am a soul that lives within"

Words to live by, for sure.

So It Begins...

2009-10-05T23:53:00.002-05:00

Real Life.

Not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm slowly getting into the "Job Interviewing" thing. Had a couple - have gone really well. I've decided to be upfront with prospective employers about my health status - and I have found that their jaws drop...the response is always the same "You look so healthy". Now in all my years of perfecting singing & acting, there has never been a better compliment to me than that. So perhaps my outlook on life because of Cancer is totally changing - for the better!

I got my Stella Kitty back...she is deliriously happy to be back with Mommy (she's the best kisser in the world):

She has been a source of joy & healing for me. I didn't realize how much I've missed her. She's like my "Kid" that I never have been able to have.

As a part of the job hunting thing, I have perfected my Wig...I think. I've gotten it to look like "me"...and very professional looking:

It feels so funny to look in the mirror and see me with "hair"...since losing it, I've gone with the hats/bandanas, and it really does wonders for my self-esteem to put on make-up, and really feel like "me" again, and not "Cancer Girl". I went through a stage where I believed that nobody would want to date me, because of my health status, and lack of hair...but I'm starting to get back to the real me, who knows that I'm semi-attractive, and that someone will care/love me again from the inside-out. See...I'm not that bad looking...even WITHOUT hair:

I've started working on a few shows...behind-the-scenes, of course...just to try & prove to people that I'm up to it. It's great to be social again. And the shows are really cool, and the people are amazing to work with.

So hopefully by my next posting, I will have a job...and maybe be doing some stuff on-stage. I sang for the first time publicly (sans Karaoke...which doesn't count), to great feedback. So maybe I'll get back into the swing of things...and hopefully find a good voice teacher to help me with some of the notes that I've lost due to Chemo (it affected my vocal chords a bit). But I've found that since the Cancer, that I've been putting more emphasis on the lyrics than sounding "perfect" (well, as perfect as I can). So many vocal teachers & directors (well, one inparticular, whom I greatly respect) have been trying to tell me that it isn't about sounding perfect...but to "feel" the song (and not put my hands on my hips!)...and I've finally gotten it. Shit, I wish I would have realized this before putting my body through hell!

To sum it up, I'm doing pretty well. Getting better by the day. Still really tired all of the time, but that too is getting better.

Besos,
Kimmy

Where to Go From Here...

2009-09-13T17:09:00.003-05:00

I'm kind of at a crossroads in my life. I'm not quite sure where to go from here.

Work, yes. Theater, of course.

I think about being in the hospital a lot. My memories are starting to come back, and it really puts me in a melancholy state. Perhaps this is why they prescribed Ativan :)

I've been stuck in the Cornfields of Central Illinois for the past month, and I never thought I'd say this...but...I really miss Little Rock. And the friends that I've sort of ignored while going through Chemo.

I miss singing...I miss performing. It's been a year since I've been onstage (actually by my own volition until February).

The one good thing that's come out of the Chemo thing (in my opinion...NOT my doc's) is that I've lost over 50 lbs. - the first time in YEARS that I feel decent about my looks...except for the whole "no hair" thing.

Ick. I need to get over myself.

...Remission Happiness!

2009-07-18T21:42:00.002-05:00

Sorry for the delay, y'all.

It's been a rough couple of months (4 to be exact).

Here was the deal, after numerous biopsies and a PET Scan, they found out that I had multiple hypermetabolic nodes in the left cervical, bilateral axillary regions. Also, multiple large masses and nodal conglomerates were noted in the abdomen and pelvis. There was involvement in the L1 & L2 vertebrae, and the left ilium. Foci was noted in my spleen, which was also enlarged.

Friggin' scary, no? So immediately after I had the diagnosis of Diffuse Large B Cell Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma, I was finally able to start Chemotherapy. To be honest, the past four months has been a bit of a blur - lots of puking, not a lot of eating. LOTS of pain meds.

After 6 rounds (one round every 21 days), I had another PET Scan, and they found out that the Cancer is completely GONE. Nada. Just some bone deterioration from the tumors in my bone marrow (in my vertebrae and hip).

Whoo-hoo!!! I'm just having one more Chemo Treatment on Thursday "to be on the safe side". I would soooo much rather have one more treatment, and make sure we got it all than have to go through another 6-8 rounds in 6 months.

Medical Madness

2009-03-04T20:54:00.003-06:00

So, for the last week & 1/2, I have had this horribly swollen leg. When talking to my people, they seemed to think that I had a blood clot.

So on Saturday one of my best friends took me to the ER. Unfortunately, the UltraSound department (Vascular Lab) was closed on the weekend. So, they gave me a script for Vicodin & 3 shots of blood thinners, so I could come back & get the Ultra Sound on Monday morning.

While getting the US (by myself), the technician told me that she didn't see any clots, which was a HUGE relief for me. Until she said "I have something on the report that I need for you to take down to the ER".

I opened the report & it said "There seems to be an obstruction in the Vena Cava, or Iliac Blood Vessel". Weird.

I get back to the ER, and the doctor tells me that they need to do a CT scan of my hip area, as they believed that there was a blood clot higher up than where the Ultra Sound was able to determine. Cool, right?

So, he gives me two percocet, and puts in an IV for the CT scan, so the blood vessles/veins/arteries will show up. I go, and come back really quickly. But I notice that the CT scan keeps going back to my pelvis reigon. Strange, but I was pretty stoned, so I didn't think anything of it.

About 3 hours later, the doctor walks in looking really worried. He says "I hate to bring this really bad news. You have a large mass on your pelvis, and it's looking like a lymphoma or some other kind of blood cancer".

CANCER??? I'm 33. This isn't supposed to happen to me...not now.

But it has. They immediately admit me as an inpatient, the very next day they do a PET Scan, which actualy is a very cool tool that they are able to "cut up" the image, like you would do in a biopsy. From there, they were able to confirm that it is lymphoma.

I have biopsies tomorrow on my bone marrow & Lymph Nodes to see if it's non-Hodgkins or Hodgkins Lymphoma (I'm feverently hoping for non - it's a lot easier to treat, and a much higher survival rate).

I wish to thank EVERYONE for their well-wishes, love, and support. This is a pretty rough time for me, and you all are the best friends a girl could ever have.

Specifically, big thanks to my Mom & Dad, my sister Katie Spoon, Michael Brown, Danette Perry, Regi & Jeremy Bragg for going above & beyond the call of duty.

Love you all.

When Life Hands You a Curveball...

2008-12-03T20:40:00.003-06:00

...Fucking hit it back, I guess is the moral of this story.

I was laid off Monday. For no fault of my own, for once. The economy. Blech.

So, I'd been going back & forth when/if I should move back to Little Rock for about the past 6 months or so. Now it is definite. I am moving into the "Gay Trucker's" house. $400/month, all-inclusive - and tons of privacy.

It's a little melancholy. I was hoping that I had changed enough that I could move back here, and make a good life for myself. But I've never been happy here. I don't think it's this town, per se, but my frame of mind while I'm here.

Being 500 miles away gives me a real sense of independance, and as much as I do love the theater scene here...I feel more comforable in Little Rock as an artist.

So, I'm moving December 29th. The day after I turn 33.

Weird Times to Be Had By All

2008-11-14T14:13:00.003-06:00

I'm not listening to the weather forecast. Ever again.

I just bought 3 scrumptous, long cable knit sweaters. One in Navy Blue, one in oatmeal, and the other in gray/black. Yay!

Nooo...the weatherman told me that it was supposed to be cold & snowy today.

Thanks...but it's like 60 degrees and humid as hell. Ick. I'm sweating :)

OBAMANATION!!!!

2008-11-05T08:20:00.003-06:00

Words alone cannot express how absolutely exhilirated I am feeling today.

Actually...a bit hungover.

After eight years of dictatorship in this great nation of ours, a change has finally come...or we'll get to it.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think that in my lifetime I would see an African American as president. I'm so delirious.

And I spent the night cavorting with someone who is incredibly well-versed in this subject (and not bad on the eyes, either).

Life is good :)

Signed, Sealed, Delivered....

2008-11-04T22:10:00.002-06:00

NBC: OBAMA WINS

Waiting on the World to Change....

2008-11-04T21:03:00.001-06:00

Suck it, old man!

Rock the Barack!

Yet Again...

2008-11-02T20:54:00.003-06:00

Ok, so there is nothing that burns my ass more than to be ignored.

I have a dear friend who is going through some troubling times...tells me on Thursday "I'll tell you all about it today...I promise".

Nothing. It's now Sunday. I think I should be done. Should I?

I'm a mess over it. I wish I knew the answers.

I wish I could just be THAT person, and say "Fuck 'em".

But they're in a bad place right now, so I think it's best for me to just sit back. But I'm sooo not a passive person.

Ugh.

Caring sucks when it's not reciporated.

My Photo Shoot

2008-10-28T08:27:00.002-05:00

Done in the 3rd Floor bathroom at the Hoogland.

Geek. Be. Me.

Something I shoulda done a long time ago

2008-10-25T14:28:00.003-05:00

I'm going to start posting some stuff I've been recording - on my fave karaoke site singsnap.com - so bear with me :)

The Play's the Thing...To Actors, Anyway

2008-07-23T13:02:00.003-05:00

I would like to share a letter to the editor from one of my local acting "heroes" (maybe I'll do a blog about all of my heroes at one point or another):

Great performances in ‘Elephant Man’
I am writing to concur with Nick Rogers’ review of “The Elephant Man” presented at Theatre in the Park at Lincoln’s New Salem State Historic Site. Nick is not one to be impressed easily, nor am I. His review indicates he was extremely impressed and he didn’t even get to see the complete show. Well, I had the good fortune of seeing the entire show Saturday night, and I was moved and impressed beyond words. Matt Husky’s portrayal of John Merrick is absolutely stunning. Every movement, every moment is painfully but beautifully executed. Merrick’s intelligence and humanity are never overshadowed by his disfigurements. As Nick aptly stated, “It’s a compelling, dedicated performance that’s riveting in body and voice.” His performance is complimented by the fine acting of the rest of the cast. Bruce Davidson does indeed explode dramatically as Dr. Frederick Treves. It is a sensitive, powerful, heart wrenching display of conscience. Deborah Kerley’s very natural performance of Mrs. Kendal is equally fine. What is noteworthy is that this is her theater debut.

My heartfelt thanks to Valeria Parga and her entire cast and crew for an unforgettable theater experience. My second reason for writing is to encourage everyone who considers themselves a patron of the theater to see this show. I am greatly saddened when I attend dramatic performances and see half the seats empty. When shows like this and “The Gin Game,” performed a few weeks ago, draw crowds of fewer than 100, and yet any musical in town will attract hundreds, something is amiss.

I do not wish to detract from the fine performances offered in musicals, nor get into the debate about what is “real” theater, but if we are to continue to have a stimulating array of shows to choose from, we must support these shows by our attendance.
Martha Plog Springfield

“The Elephant Man” will be presented at 8 p.m. Thursday-Saturday at Theatre in the Park at Lincoln’s New Salem State Historic Site. Free pre-show entertainment begins at 7 p.m. each night."

I must concur with Ms. Plog's evaluation of Musicals vs. "Straight" Plays.

I began as an actress. I couldn't sing to save my life. So, I really consider myself an Actress/Singer...and Ms. Plog, may I commend you on speaking the truth.

It isn't just Springfield...every town where I've done community theater...if you want everyone in town to see you...do a musical. If you're doing it for "arts' sake"...do a straight play.

Wish it wasn't like that...but it's what the audiences love...

My Weight Loss

2008-07-23T12:21:00.004-05:00

Okay, so I really wasn't intending to start a diet regimen. Honestly, I wasn't

But after the split/move, I suddenly lost my appetite. I think for 3-4 days, I stopped eating.

Then, when my folks went to Alaska, I started binging again, and Georgia kind of "meanly" got my mind back in gear.

So, I stopped snacking & drinking only diet coke. I went to H20, and iced tea. And cut out chips almost altogether. Then, when we started rehearsaing @ the Muni, I think the sweat really helped me shed some pounds.

My jeans are falling off now (which is a double-edged sword...), and I feel sooo much healthier.

To keep it off, I've begun walking Prissy dog in Iles park at least once a day (the whole length of the park...which should be a good 1/2 mile, at least). And I'm not winded afterwards!

Before:

After:

A Crazy Law

2008-07-22T23:42:00.002-05:00

Ok, I rode my bike as a kid. Loved it! But 9 times out of 10, I rode on the sidewalk.

I was informed on Sunday that there is a state law which prohibits bicyclists from riding on the sidewalk. ????????????

In the State Journal Register here in lover-ly Springfield, Illinois - there was a letter to the editor blasting a driver for accidentally hitting a cyclist.

Okay. I almost hit a cyclist the other day. Not because I'm a bad driver. But because this drunken bastard was weaving all over the road like he owned it.

If the law is that cyclists have to use the road, might I propose something:

Paint bicycle lanes on the roads. Not just in the parks.
Make it illegal for intoxicated cyclists.
USE YOUR HAND SIGNALS WHEN RIDING YOUR BIKE
You don't own the road - watch for traffic. If you see an oncoming car....MOVE!!!!

I'm Back to Real Blogging

2008-07-22T23:36:00.003-05:00

Monday night, in the Quad Cities, a 4 year old boy died when a tree fell on his tent.

Sad.

BUT...here's the really...um "interesting" part...a 9-month-old baby was in the tent with him. And the parents were in a different tent.

Ok, I'm not a parent, but I'm a pretty good aunt & "Child rounder", and holy shit...when my niece & nephews were that age, I doubt they would be in a different room sleeping away from their parents...much less have them camping in the woods in a tent.

This just proves my point, that people should be licensed to have children. When there are those of us who would give their eye teeth to have a baby without all sorts of freakish drugs.

Theater, Theater, Theater...what else is new?

2008-07-13T02:31:00.003-05:00

Two completely different subjects, but they all relate to my favorite obsession...theater. Ladies and gentlemen...(or should I say lady and one dude?)I must steal from Stephen Colbert for just a moment:

I CALLED IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's right, my lowly 2 readers. If you will remember a little blog that I wrote in January (re: http://kimitasrantingsandravings.blogspot.com/2008/01/they-must-be-on-crack-in-new-salem.html). Well, do I have an update for you.

Let's call him Joe Bob. Joe Bob smokes crack. Joe Bob directed a show. Joe bob steals all of the t-shirt and dvd money. Moral of the story: Someone please put Joe Bob in prison.

To bad the powers that be didn't listen. Didn't ask. Didn't read my fantabulous blog. Until it was too late. Bless you, TIP. I didn't want this to put you guys at risk.

Next time picking a new director, ask around. Do a criminal background check.

I cannot believe that sociopathic asshole. Grow up, Joe Bob.

Subject Two: My Return to Muni

Um...awesome. That's it.

Read the review...I'm having an awesome time!

http://www.sj-r.com/theater/x469158562/Review-The-Secret-Garden-pairs-joyful-set-stunning-cast

Bless You, Muni Opera

2008-04-06T12:31:00.002-05:00

So, I backed down, and auditioned for "The Secret Garden" at Springfield Muni Opera - even though everything within my soul said to me "Why are you doing this?"...

I began auditioning for Muni at the ripe old age of 13. I was not cast in a show until I was 17.

I moved away from Springfield when I was 22, and moved back when I was 29. I auditioned for Muni AGAIN in 2006, and was rejected ONCE again. So I gave up.

But I absolutely adore "The Secret Garden", and am convinced that I will be involved in this show SOMETIME before I die...or before my voice is gone.

So, I auditioned for basically any female role. I didn't care.

They had me read for Mrs. Medlock, which was the ONLY role I didn't list on my audition sheet...I thought I was too young.

I was called back for Mrs. Medlock, reading against 2 of the best actresses in Springfield. And I got it.

Ah...I will be chewing up LOTS of scenery this summer!!!!

Thuper-Duper-Duper Tuesday

2008-02-19T12:27:00.003-06:00

Ok...so it's another crazy Thuper Tuesday. And does anyone really care?

I wish I could say I'm for Obama, or Clinton. But I just don't know. Bill is really pissing me off lately. He used to be the BEST active listener that I'd ever met. Now he just seems to have diarrhea of the mouth.

Who knows. I want that Obama/Clinton or Clinton/Obama ticket more than life...but I have a feeling that Ms. Rodham would never be anyone's VP.

Ugh. And this superdelegates thing - this will tear the democratic party in two.

Life goes on.

What's Up With Me?

2008-02-06T20:34:00.000-06:00

Well, I finally got a job offer that does the amazing thing - blends my passion & office/customer skills. Ticket sales assistant at Sangamon Auditorium . Craziness. Making decent money...and benefits, including a waiver for free tuition/fees for 11 credit hours per semester.

Craziness.

New Year, New Job

2008-01-29T16:35:00.000-06:00

Oh my dear God.

I've been keeping quiet about interviewing for this new job (as quiet as Georgia & Katie Spoon can keep it)...because it is truly a dream job.

Ticket Sales Assistant for Sangamon Auditoruim at the University of Illinois-Springfield. For those of you who think that I'd be sitting at the ticket window selling tickets all day...you're partly correct. Think of the Ticket Sales as a department store. There is one manager, and 2 assistant managers. I'm one of the assistant managers.

Making REALLY decent money, and BENEFITS. Dear God, I have not been able to have a regular CHECK-UP since 2004. Yeech.

The best part of all, I think is the Tuition. I get a waiver for 11 credit hours per semester. Ummm...can you say Bachelor's Degree? And this is good for any state school.

My life is nearly complete. Who knew that I could merge my job & passion together. I'm nearly coming apart at the seams (in a good way)!

My car has a flat tire, so I can't go anywhere till MB makes his way home sometime this evening.

They Must Be on Crack in New Salem

2008-01-22T17:10:00.000-06:00

DISCLAIMER: I am not mentioning this person by name...but I have a personal stake in this. This person directed me in my first "Grown-up" musical (back in the day @ STC, it meant a LOT to get cast in a "Stage 1" musical. I had been only cast in White Rabbit productions up until I was 16.), and directed 2 of my High School Musicals. I was sorely disappointed when he decided to choose crack over his passion. But having directed a show, I know what a huge responsibility it is...you have to set an example - especially for the young people, and those who have never been in a show before. So...I'm not judging HIM so much, but TIP.
Ok. So basically, I'm not auditioning for Muni this year, because the only show I'd be interested in is "Secret Garden", and I'm not trying to battle anyone for a chorus role.So...I was uber-excited that Theatre in the Park in New Salem (Petersburg area) has "Kiss Me Kate" on the line-up. It is exactly what I was looking for to really work my more operatic range.

Then I saw who is directing the show. Let's just say that he has a slightly checkered past. Let's go down the checklist:

He has robbed about 2 theaters that I know of - he stole concessions money from one, and t-shirt money from another.

Infamous for personal bad checks (one to my parents - for a lot of money).

I know at least of 3 people that he stole their ATM + Pin number. Cleared out their account. Usually he was living with these people.

Doesn't work. Is on Medicaid, because he claims to have a multiple personality disorder.
Changed his name in 1993.

He was supposed to direct a Christmas-themed show about 30 miles west of Springfield this year. He was arrested for drug possession & they relieved him of his directing duties.

Last year, he was supposed to direct a musical at TIP, and quit.

I'm sooo a believer of 2nd chances. Even 3rd, 4th, and 5th.But when you're 42 years old...isn't it time to grow up?

Shouldn't the shame be mostly to blame on these directors, and theaters who constantly allow someone to be an authority figure (this includes being around children) who just got out of jail? Or who should be in jail.

Wow...our justice system works soooo well.

Oh Crap...Seriously

2008-01-22T06:28:00.001-06:00

Well...not seriously, I guess.

I seriously thought that nobody read my blog...I had no idea that Blogger switched over to Google, and I use Gmail. Bloody Hell. I started a new blog:

http://theatralisdiva.blogspot.com/

So...what's up with me?

It's all about "Broadway-oke" right now...which led to me making this decision:

http://theatralisdiva.blogspot.com/2008/01/turning-new-creative-leaf.html

What is Broadway-oke? Well, check it out for yourself:

Come, join the party!!!!!

XOXOXO

Vote for Gina Glocksen!

2007-03-31T11:25:00.000-05:00

First of all, the most original artist to perform on American Idol in quite awhile.

She is what Kelly Clarkson is TRYING to be!!!

Honestly, she's from my mom's hometown...soooo....

Vote!

Directing

2007-03-31T11:20:00.000-05:00

What an experience.

Had a great cast. STC Board of Directors were awesome.

Um. The Hoogland Center for the Arts sucks. I'll leave it at that!

Cap0007.mpg

2007-01-13T00:46:00.000-06:00


"It's Better to Give" from Nuncrackers

I Already Did That!

2006-11-11T14:58:00.000-06:00

Ok, so I backslid.

I said I never would audition for THAT director's shows again. He asked. I did.

The same shit happened.

Since Sunday, I've been going over & over in my mind...what exactly happened. What did I do wrong at auditions.

Not a FUCKING thing. I sang "Stars and the Moon" from "Songs for a New World" by Jason Robert Brown, and even though the pianist sucked, I think I did one of my better auditions. I didn't oversing. I didn't really belt at all. So, I felt comfortable. I just SANG.

Sooo...I didn't get a callback.

Wait...it gets better.

15 women DID get a callback. Yep. FIFTEEN. Including a woman who makes a foghorn sound pretty. So, basically I knew that I was being fucked again by this same man. Which might be enjoyable...if...(insert your pun here)

But wait again...there's more to this story. The woman with the BEST voice in town auditions. Gets called back. Gets asked to stay. Is told she wasn't cast because he's casting a guy for the role. Ok, whatever. The next day, he makes calls for more people to audition for the show.

Waaaiiittt a minute here...isn't the protocol for Community Theater to have audtions, callbacks...then cast the show. But I guess when you are the artistic director you can have auditions, callbacks, then call people to audition again...even though you had at least SIX people who could have done that role.

So, he casts the GIRL he called to audition. Whhhaaat? I won't comment on HER voice. But let's just say...nails...chalkboard.

So, I'm stewing. Pissed. Mad. Should I email this director? Should I call him and cry, and let him know how much he hurt me by doing this?

So, I am flipping through "The View" this morning, and saw that Beverly Sills was the guest co-host. Could be interesting. So, she is telling this story on how she retired from opera, and went on to run the City Opera for 10 years. At the end of her 10 years there, her husband said "You already did that", and handed her a ring with "I already did that" inscribed on it.

He was not telling her NOT to do said thing again, but rather it was a reminder to herself that she DIDN'T have to do it again.

So when it comes to said director...I Already Did That. When it comes to the show "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat"...I Already Did That. And extremely well.

Gotta Love Infertility

2006-08-17T19:24:00.000-05:00

Ok...so for the past 6 months or so, I've been in a funk that I couldn't explain. I really don't want to socialize. If Michael didn't live with me, I would probably not even want to see him. I couldn't put my finger on it.

I was going through mood swings & depression like I've never done before. Which is odd...really odd. Usually, the "once a month" thing is enough...but...well...since I hadn't had a "once a month" thing for about 6 months, I couldn't blame my craziness on that.

Then I remembered. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. Basically, I'm infertile until I "want" to conceive. LOL. The "want" to conceive is wacked out, because let's say I want to have a child. I will have to do this to have my own baby:

1. Go on progestin & estrogen birth control pills for a year. Fun times. Especially since I have breast cancer on both sides of my family; it'll make it fun.

2. So if I don't go on the BC pills, I will have to get synthetic progestin. Shots. Fun times. I think that's actually worse than the pill.

3. Spironolactone. In layman's terms, a diuretic. Since the symptoms of PCOS is acne, hair loss, and "male pattern hair growth" (hair on face and toes...which unfortunately I have), this helps these symptoms. Basically, I have too much testosterone in my body.

4. If I come up with diabetic stuff (which I haven't), then they'll have to treat that.

5. Fertility medicines. Yay!!! Michael & I could have our own football team - with one pregnancy.

6. And if all of this doesn't work - then it's (cue "happenin'" music) LAPROSCOPIC OVARIAN DRILLING. Yeah, it's as scary as it sounds. Basically, they either destroy or remove an ovary in hopes of stimulating the other. Ugh.

As crappy as this sounds...ya know...PCOS is the best birth control ever!!!

But...I'm scared that one of the cysts have actually burst, which could mean a huge mess. Sigh.

Well, we'll see.

Death, Dying...and Yet Death Again

2006-07-03T04:08:00.000-05:00

What a wild couple of months.

My grandmother passed in March, my dear friends Lamon White and Nathan Cooke, and my great-uncle Jimmy Gene and great-great aunt Katie all in June.

I believe honestly that greif is very self-centered. I can guarantee you that nobody wherever they wind up when they pass is grieving...they are celebrating...especially my dear, darling friend Nathan, who had been suffering for a little under a year.

So...if you've been wondering what I've been up to...it's funeral month. And another one tomorrow. Craziness ensues.

This Struck Me as Funny...

2006-05-11T03:20:00.000-05:00

I'm working this crazy job with crazy hours at the hospital, since I'm not doing any performing currently (3:30 pm-12am).

So this girl I work with comes in all pissed off. "God DAMN it...they won't let me leave early".

I'm curious...they seemed really flexible with the hours.

So, me being the drama queen that I am, ask her "Well what did you tell them?". "The truth", she starts ranting "I need to pick my baby's daddy up from the bus station."

Reasonable. Or not?

"...he just got out of prison."

It gets better.

"I'll bet if he was just coming back from Kuwait they wouldn't have a problem".

Hmmm...Kuwait...Prison...draw your own conclusions.

Jeepers Creepers Semi Star

2006-04-23T13:02:00.000-05:00

http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=591999137&n=2

Oops...late...I know

Putting Things Into Perspective

2006-03-17T22:34:00.000-06:00

So I survived F2 Squared - that is, two F2 Tornadoes swept through central Illinois Sunday night and early Monday morning. Wow. Talk about not giving a flip whether I was cast at Muni or not (FYI I was NOT cast in anything). Thank God my family and Michael and I escaped with minimal damage.

On Monday or Tuesday afternoon, my parents noticed that the police were knocking on their neighbor's door - my mom told my dad to tell them that they were at work. The officer said "Actually, we're looking for Georgia Hepworth". Turns out that my Grandma Sunny, who lives in Evergreen, Colorado...who is the matriarch of our family...had fallen while in the shower and had lost consciousness for a day or so, and her manager at her condo complex found her.

Her friends in Colorado had been trying to contact my mom, since we are her only immediate family left, and their phone lines were down (actually, they were just restored today), so her friend contacted the Springfield Police department, and they let them know that we had really bad storms here, and that they would come and look for her. And they did - thank God.

So we didn't think that anything was really wrong. Since my folks' neighborhood was really badly hit, I told them that I would house-sit and take care of the dogs & cats. Fun times.

So I called her last night, to make sure my dad had given me correct directons for the medications that one of her dogs is taking (of course it was wrong!), and she said that Sunny was really bad off. Big red flags went off in my head. Said she was septic, and on 4 different antibiotics, and that none were responding, and that her WBC's were sky-high. Hmmm. Let me explain, Sunny's 83. She has had a knee replacement, and 2 hip replacements. But that's it. No other health problems EVER. The most independent woman in the world...she drove a STICK shift twice a year from Colorado to Illinois...to visit her family. So I figured "Crazy Grandma Sunny" would pull through - hell...she'll be around to outlive all of us. The doctors would find the right antibiotic, and mom & dad would be back in a couple of weeks. Life as normal.

Michael went to a job interview this morning - came home very melancholy. I figured the interview had went horribly awry. He said it went OK...said he talked to my brother-in-law, Dale, who works for this company. Grandma Sunny died this morning around 6:00 am.

Losing a Grandparent is nothing new to me. I lost my grandfather in 2004. Her husband died 9 years ago. But this has hit me like a ton of bricks. My mother's family is gone. I lost someone who loved me just as much as my own mother does. Katie and I would go stay with her for 6 weeks each and every summer as we were growing up. We were her only grandchildren - and she was a beautiful, wonderful woman.

God, this is hard. God, do I miss her.

Waiting...and Waiting

2006-03-10T14:50:00.000-06:00

I auditioned last Saturday for Muni. Fun times.

Now the waiting process begins. No callbacks as of yet. But then again, I've not heard too much. Nobody's talking. Weird.

So drinking must occur this Monday night.

Life or Something Like It

2006-03-04T06:21:00.000-06:00

Ok...so many subjects...so little freaking time.

It's been a month of co-habitating with Michael...and he hasn't killed me yet. That's a huge plus. I must have some sort of hold on him - he's auditioning for the Muni with me on Sunday. This is a double edged sword, I know. I'm elated that he's interested in what I am...yet...he's a man. Without uncertainty...he will be cast. Me...not so much certainty. This isn't a scientific quote...but I think the ratio to men vs. women auditioning is about 1:10. Draw your own conclusions. But hell, I feel the same way about my dad. Love, love, love him - but he's talented. There ya go.

I am also doing a 360 with my audition song. I've changed it at least 10 times in the past 2 months. First, it was a sappy ass love song. Then, it was a sappier love song. It wound up going to a belting bitch song...then I decided to stop all of this procrastinating. They're doing Chicago and I have been singing "When You're Good to Mama" for the past 4 years while in Little Rock. My problem is...that the rumor mill has been going nutso. I heard that someone was pre-cast for the role of Mama Morton. When asking people who kind of know what they're doing - they said to audition for Mama. I was stuck. First, my best friend in the entire world is auditioning for that role. Hmmm. Second, I'm wayyyy too young. Third, what makes me thing that I'm so fucking good that I could actually stand a chance? Then I woke up. This is freaking COMMUNITY THEATER. Also, I really dig this role. As sparse as Chicago is done in Community Theaters nowdays...who is to say when I will get the chance to audition for this show again? And if I was in Little Rock...would I let this keep me down? Hell, no. I would go in there all ballsy and kick some ass. So there it is.

Healthwise - I suck. Cellulitis is NOT my friend. I've been laid up here in this damn house. Unable to go to rehearsal. Craziness.

But hey - I blogged for the 1st time in eons...I'm proud of me ;)

"It's Roller Derby Now"

Survival of the...Prettiest

2006-01-23T17:37:00.000-06:00

So I survived. And I only got bitch-slapped once by the director. It was great!!!

Seriously, though - it wound up to be a stellar show, with a little added skin at the last performance (email me for details) - and no, it wasn't by me.

Now I'll be playing the Queen of Hearts in a musical adaptation of "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland". Groovy - or not. Let's see if I still like Children's Theater.

I was so bored today at work that I pulled off all of my fake fingernails from the show. Ouch. Blood. It was amazingly painful.

My mind is on overdrive still. Forgive me if I'm making absolutely no sense whatsoever. But then again - I'm a Hepworth.

Michael is moving here in 2 weeks. Yay!! Let's hope I get this apartment.

I got my settlement check from accident #2 in the mail today. Double yay!!! I'm goin' drankin, bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Review of Whorehouse

2006-01-14T04:37:00.000-06:00

"Head on Down to Best Little Whorehouse"
by Nick Rogers

Those who like their musicals on top will find plenty to whoop about in the Springfield Theatre Centre's production of "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas".

Director Bill Bauser Jr.'s fast-paced show has a heart as big as its production numbers and larger-than-life characters. It's equally good at comic exaggeration and heartbreaking realism.

The quirky charm is turned on early in this tale of the Chicken Ranch, where, as it's said, guests enjoy a small thrill from time to time, but there's nothing dirty going on. Doubling as bandleader and narrator, Mary Myers opens the show with a thick-twanged delivery of the bordello's history.

As ts most recent manager, Miss Mona Stangley, Lori Ann Fahnders combines tender, matronly affection for her girls, her own vulnerability and a distinct my-way-or-the-highway attitude. "Don't let your mouth overlad your capabilities" is one of many gems in a script referring to women't periods as "the curse"and dubbing the Ranch a place where history and football players get made.

Mona's soft spot has to do with the protection she gets from well-meaning, ill-tempered Sheriff Ed Earl Dodd (Rich McCoy), whom she's long loved in secret. McCoy is alternately hangdog and hyper and convincing as both, especially when getting Yosemite Sam-style mad and cursing a blue streat at Melvin P. Thorpe (Michael Murphy), a moralist crusader trying to shut the Ranch down.

Only a missing bag of confetti doesn't scream Rip Taylor about Murphy's hilarious work. Wearing a flourescent-green suit even Prince would reject, Murphy saved one big band-chorus tempo discrepancy Friday night just with weird dancing.

The show is filled with even more colorful characters, all wonderfully played. As Jewel, Miss Mona's sassy right-hand woman, Kim Hepworth brings down the house with "24 Hours of Lovin'". Steve Williams disappears into four characters, most memorably insurance salesman C.J. Scruggs, for whom the word "sheriff" becomes "Sher-rough" in his Forrest Gump-style mouth. In a moment that slows down to focus on the Ranch's importance to Gilbert, Texas, Laurie McCoy sings a wistful ballad.

Even the least-characterized ladies of the Chicken Ranch get a moment to shine in the great "Hard Candy Christmas". The same goes for the male ensemble, whether they're acting as horny college football players or right-wing conservatives.

Behind-the-scenes work is also exceptional with Elizabeth Cheney's cute but complicated choreography, T. David Parker's clean set design, and costumes - or the occasional lack thereof - from Phyllis Maynerich and Suellen Troxell.

It's the Day of the Show, Y'all

2006-01-13T16:14:00.000-06:00

Ok...so this is a mini-post...I'm horribly nervous about the opening of "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" tonight at Springfield Theatre Centre. Anyone who can offer any advice, please let me know.

Last night, Dr. Zoom (http://drastrozoom.blogspot.com) and Mrs. Zoom did a great job of calming my nerves - so I think it'll all be kosher. It's just like it's my re-debut in Springfield, and we all know how catty thespians can be :)

You're Captain Tenneal! GET IT ON! You are a person
who has a nack for the opposite sex, and you
don't mind telling people when they're wrong
and you're right.

Which MXC Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2006-01-12T01:46:00.000-06:00

Post coming later...I promise...

2006-01-10T09:04:00.000-06:00

http://springfieldtheater.com/littlehouse.wmv

Shameless Plug...

2006-01-06T23:26:00.000-06:00

The Springfield Theatre Centre kicks off 2006 with the award-winning true story
about hypocritical politicians, half-naked showgirls, and governors who rule by public opinion.

The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas is based on the true story of a legendary Texas Brothel known as the Chicken Ranch, which operated from the 1840's to 1973 when it was finally shut down by the efforts of a crusading Houston radio commentator and his conservative audience.

The musical, the book by Larry L. King & Peter Masterson, and Lyrics and Music by Carol Hall, begins during the last days of the Chicken Ranch (which earned its name because, during the depression, customers were allowed to pay with poultry!). Melvin P. Thorpe (played by Michael Murphy), a television broadcaster eager for the spotlight, has just scored a career triumph by exposing a peanut bar for not having as many peanuts as advertised. And now he turns his attention to what is potentially a much bigger triumph - this appalling thing he calls "loveless copulation" at the Chicken Ranch. Although many of the state's politicians have, in fact, been customers of the brothel, they are eager to preserve their political careers and thus choose to publicly denounce the Chicken Ranch and its inhabitants.

Finally, in spite of the protection of the local sheriff (played by Rich McCoy), Miss Mona (played by Lori Ann Fahnders), the proprietress of the Chicken Ranch, is thrown out onto the street along with all of her girls (played by Stephanie Berch, Fran Byers, Shirene Thomas, Lisa Mayes, Ashley Warren, Amy Heuman, Grace Gietl, Nickel Hayes, Cari Keysar, and Emma Jo Schumacher), even as Melvin P. Thorpe receives a commendation from the Governor (played by Steve Williams) for his services to the state of Texas.

Also starring are Kim Hepworth as Jewel, Mary E. Myers as the Bandleader, Laurie McCoy as Doatsey Mae, and John Woodruff as Senator Wingwoah.

Rounding out the cast are Tony Cunningham, Brad Lowman, Nathan Alderman, Jacob House, Mike Martin, Craig Williams, Phillip “Teddy” Paschal, DJ Rudd, and Tom Beeve.

The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas is directed by STC’s Interim Artistic Director, Bill Bauser, Jr., who brought to the Springfield Theater stage the immensely popular Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, and will be directing The King and I this summer at Springfield Muni Opera.

Production dates are January 13-15, and 20-22, 2006. Friday and Saturday shows are at 8:00 P.M., and Sunday matinees are at 2:00 P.M. All shows are performed at the Hoogland Center for the Arts, located at 420 South Sixth Street, in downtown Springfield. Ticket prices are $11.75, and $10.75, and may be reserved by calling 217-523-ARTS (2787)

So This Is Christmas...And What Have YOU Done?

2005-12-25T00:30:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting here...completely bored out of my mind, and since I've been blasted here on blogger for having a seemingly boring blog, what the hell...I'll bore y'all some more.

Just a little broad and crazy statement - LDR's totally suck at holiday time when you're away from the one you love. The one that you have committed your life to. And those who know me personally, know what it takes for me to commit. My soul, my mind, and my heart all have to be rolled into one - to have someone complete me. And this someone does complete me. When asked by this gentleman the other day, "why him", that is the only thing I could possibly think of that truly explained my heart. I couldn't imagine life without him. I wouldn't want to live in this pitiful world without him.

Also, I've been blasted for being psycho. I really don't believe that this is the case. But I believe that when love is fresh, and new - that we are all a little bit crazy sometimes. I don't apologize for that - but if love doesn't make you a little bit nuts - I truly do not believe that it would be love at all.

Back to the holidays. I come from a big Irish Catholic family. And if you want to see psycho - y'all need to check my mother & her mother out for size. Things getting thrown...people getting cussed out day in & day out. Why is this? Why do people stress so much over a holiday that really if you truly believe in the meaning of it, that it has nothing to do with US. It isn't about breaking your neck to get your children each one of their hearts desires, it is about celebrating a religious holiday - a birthday. That's if you believe in The Big C. If not, God, are you lucky!!

Sometimes it makes me wish that I was still living 500 miles away, so I'd have a reasonable excuse to bow out of all of the "festivities". Why do we feel it necessary to be sickingly sweet to say...our co-workers, and yet we would use words on our family members that we wouldn't even say to our enemies? This is nuts. People who I don't give a flying-you-know-what about, I don't care if they call me a cunt, or even stupid...but when it comes from family members, that reaches a new low.

Well, let's hope that the holidays...one day in the future...will become something to be celebrated...and not despised.

And please tell your loved ones exactly how you feel this holiday season. That's what it is here for.

Happy Happy

2005-12-23T15:49:00.000-06:00

Happy Holidays!!

Hey all…just a quick note to say have a good one.

I would have posted this earlier so my bastard friends who got off work early today could have read this…but oh well. I was stuck in the land of slander.

But as my mantra goes: Karma’s really something, isn’t it?

Oh well…be safe…hold your loved ones if you’re near them.

Happy Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, Festivus, whateva’ y’all celebrate – just do it up ;)

Besos!!

Lord, How Those Minutes Do Run!

2005-12-21T10:39:00.000-06:00

It was a crazy weekend here in the blessed Land of Lincoln.

Saturday, I was hitting the stores at 8 am to finish/start my Christmas shopping. I’m nearly done, with the exception of Mr. Hep. But I know what he’s getting, so that’s a HUGE plus!! Hey, even got them all wrapped!!

I’m very proud of one gift, which is for my Once-And-Future-Husband, which will go unmentioned, since he is one of the two people who read this blog. Let’s just say that it’s imminent that my friends should be checking their mailboxes for a certain kind of invitation this summer.

After my “shopping marathon”, I had to run home to go to my sister’s house for Jack’s 6th birthday party. The funniest thing happened…I bought him a GREAT book called “Olivia”, because that’s his best friend’s name, and being the cool “uncle” that I am, I was sure that he’d love it. His face turned absolutely crimson, and he yelled “That’s for girls!”. Oops.

Following the party, I took him to see “Theater Armageddon 2005”, and he simply adored it! Although each time this guy, http://drastrozoom.blogspot.com would appear onstage, he would thumb his nose at him. Nothing like interactive Children’s Theatre.

Sunday…Sunday…Sunday. Let me first say that I love being a part of “Whorehouse”. Although, being referred to as “a lead” in the Springfield Theatre community is taking me a little bit of getting used to. Sitting with the “OG’s” kind of blows my mind. I feel completely humbled, and I am trying to be a good person to work with, to perhaps set an example to these high schoolers who have my #1 pet peeve: “Diva attitudes without the talent to back it up”.

The more these certain people annoy me, the more the rusty wheels in my pea brain start slowly churning. Was I this way when I was doing theatre as a kid? The more I think about it, the more I’m led to thinking that the answer is deniably, “yes”. So to all of those who I ever offended, or got on their nerves: I humbly apologize.

On a good note, I got a great compliment from our head honcho at rehearsal last night. He told me “I love your interactions with Miss Mona; It is such a relief not to have to tell someone when to breathe, snort, or laugh. Thank you.” This is from a guy who hardly ever compliments anyone. Besos, Bill!

Lord, enough of soul-searching. I swear, my New Year’s resolution is going to be to *stop* soul-searching. Oh, who the hell am I kidding!

Anyway, another huge thing that has taken some getting used to is this 7-days-a-week rehearsal schedule. Don’t get me wrong “I heart theatre” (pardon me while I throw up a little in my mouth), as much as the next thespian, but goodness! I work until 6 pm, then I go directly to the theater at 6:30. Wow. I’m t-i-red.

Another thing that is taken some getting used to is this proscenium theater vs. blackbox theater. I have been working for the last 8 years in what is known as “black box theater”. 80 seats. That means you’re probably a foot away from the audience. That means no microphones. That means me not having to sing as loud as I possibly can. This means…don’t worry about projection too much. That means…I’m having a hard time hearing the piano. Which equals to “crash and burn”. Gotta love live theater!

On a sad note, my dear friend from grade school, Mary Ellen “Mellie” Sukraw, passed away this past Friday after a long battle with Leukemia. As sad as I was when I first heard the news, I have to think that she is in a better place, free from the endless chemotherapy, radiation, and bone marrow transplants. Ciao, Mellie.

It's ALMOST My Birrrrtthhhdddayyyyyy

2005-12-13T16:15:00.000-06:00

Ok…the countdown is here. In exactly (well, not EXACTLY…but …) 14 days I will hit one of the milestones. 30.

Thirty years old. Wow. I know for all of you OB friends of mine (that would be old bastards…yeah, yeah…the beatings begin later), that it doesn’t seem like much. And truthfully, it I don’t feel 30 yet.

But, let’s look at this from a “Kimita” perspective. My 30’s have got to be a hell of a lot better than my 20’s were. Granted, I kind of “found” myself in my mid-to-late 20’s. But still…

A Christmas Birthday. They suck…seriously. It’s always “Happy Birthday and Merry Christmas – here’s a card”. So, a warning to those “baby makers” out there…use protection – lots of it – around the middle of May.

But my birthday this year should be fabulous. My “once and future husband” is coming to visit, and after rehearsal of “Ho House”, we’re going out barhopping in Downtown Springfield. Free Drinks for meeee!! So all should be very very well about 12 am.

And…there it is.

...But What I Really Wanna Do Is Direct

2005-12-11T17:26:00.000-06:00

OK...so I'm over at my dear friends' houses, Dr. & Mrs. Zoom, and I just had an epiphany while discussing a horrible Childrens Show.

I want to direct one.

Not for the main reasons...not to see my name in the byline. Not to "respect my authoritay", or something. But to friggin' make these diva-wanna-be's realize what theater is all about. Discipline.

The director of the afore-mentioned show is a sugary-sweet person. There was no structure to this show. She cast everyone who was auditioned. So it was a cast of MILLIONS.

I began doing Childrens' Theater when I was 10. It is how I learned through trial & error how to compose myself while auditioning, performing, etc. The one director who still sticks in my mind was the one who came into the very first audition and said "I have a revolving door policy. You do what I say, or you can leave". It still sticks with me after 17 years.

Kids respect discipline. Or even a little "meanness".

So, my original thought was to direct "The Best Christmas Pageant Ever", but the Executive Director shot that down, because it was promised to someone else. So I'm looking through the prior programs to the theater, and I'm just racking my brain for something new, or that hasn't been done in awhile. So I submitted "Ramona Quimby" and "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe". The latter, obviously because of the huge success of "Narnia", and the previous because I was a HUGE fan of the books by Beverly Cleary, and the plays that they have dramatized are hugely popular nowadays, yet the theater hasn't done them.

In my bid, I also suggested that the theater do "The Diary of Anne Frank" next season. It hasn't been done in years, and I know plenty of people who are itching to do a dramatic show.

And...there it is.

You Know You’re Not In Arkansas Anymore WHEN…

2005-12-08T16:05:00.000-06:00

There’s nearly a blizzard goin’ on outside…and your job hasn’t shut down for the week yet.

Seriously folks…my friends in AR can back me up. There is almost 6 inches of the lovely white stuff on the ground…if there was even a chance of this happening in Lil’ Rock…the whole city would have shut down.

Luckily, I’m driving the beast.

Oh, Hell...

2005-12-03T17:31:00.000-06:00

Damn. Sorry.

Anyhey - now THAT is out of the way. I'm enjoying the thrills of being a student and having a real job at the same time. Currently I'm doing some Morgatge stuff at Wells Fargo. I hated it for the past few days, but it's getting better now.

My trainer lent me this book "Dating for Dummies". I was thumbing through it, and something caught my eye that I must share:

-The #1 Reason Why You Should Break Up With Someone:

They have moved & left no forwarding address

Tickled me.

Then came the chapter on "Long Distance Relationships"...according to this "MD" (I use the term extremely loosely), LDR's are only good if you

1. Want to live in a fantasy world
2. See one another more than once a month

Yes, I can tell you from first-hand knowledge, they are a lot harder than you could ever imagine in your lifetime. Heartbreak is present all of the time...

So how do I cope with this? I've been sleeping a lot lately. Been a lot more distant than I once had been with my significant other. Is that wrong? I don't think so. It is just a coping mechanism that I am using.

It is better than driving myself crazy with trust & honesty issues that I have within myself.

Anyway - "Whorehouse" - I would say that is going well...if we would have more than one rehearsal :P

Take care...be safe...

xoxoxo

RENT!!

2005-11-24T00:56:00.000-06:00

Ok...so I'll admit it. Since "Rent" first came out, I was anti-the whole show. As a whole. Just because I was sick of all of the young kids who were "Rentheads" going around quoting lines & songs from the show.

I saw the movie tonight with what had to be the entire community theater community here in Springfield. Well, not all - but a good chunk of 'em.

And I absolutely loved it. There were portions of the show (even though I had never seen, or heard any of the music except for the "Seasons of Love" song) that you could tell that were cut, and so some of the scenes seemed a little disjointed at times.

Nonetheless, it was a wonderful, moving, and fun movie. I do hope that everyone has a chance to go and see it.

Happy Turkey Day, all!! Be safe...be well!

Ohhhh Nooo

2005-11-22T08:35:00.000-06:00

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Ohhhh Noooo
Current mood: ditzy

Was in another car accident on Saturday. I swear, I am NEVER getting in another vehicle on a Saturday night - at least for a couple of weeks

Since the "Deer" debacle last weekend, Georgia has been riding in a Mazda 3 rental car. Not bad. So, Jim is driving, and I'm in the back seat...smoking a cigarette & wishing that I didn't have to run spot for this show. Stopped at a stoplight, a Dodge Durango plows into the back of us. The next thing I remeber is feeling my pants on fire - haha.

Wiped out the back of the little Mazda. Back windshield is gone, and we got to see the wonders of the bumper - styrofoam. I swear, Old Navy packs their sweaters in better stuff than this bumper was made out of.

Officially I have a sprained back & neck. Whoo-hoo. Muscle Relaxers for everyone :P

Have a great Turkey Day, all...Gobble gobble.

Currently listening:
The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas: Original Cast
By Carol Hall
Release date: By 07 October, 1997

Just Call Me "Deer", Please!!

2005-11-15T08:22:00.000-06:00

I'm a bad blogger. Bad, bad, bad!!

I've just been a "little" neglectful...alas...here I am again. You can all jump up & down for joy...the 2 people who actually read this thing.

I'll begin with Saturday...I auditioned for "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas" at Springfield Theatre Centre. Wasn't really caring about what role I got...I'd done the show a year ago in Little Rock, AR.

BUT...I was cast as the black housekeeper, Jewel (WTF?)

Then, I'm running spot for Nunsense (Just call me Sr. Mary Myopia), driving home...and WHAM. I hit a deer. By the grace of God, I was wearing a seat belt, so I didn't go through the windshield.

Whew. What a weekend.

2005-11-11T14:23:00.000-06:00

Check out myspace:

http://myspace.com/shadowlands75

Weird Fact About Me

2005-11-08T11:36:00.000-06:00

My significant other today told me something about me that I hadn't known.

I'm taller than Charles Manson.

Thanks, Michael...I love you anyway :)

Slap a Bitch, Go To Jail - Per Mrs. Zoom

2005-11-08T10:13:00.000-06:00

School board expels 18 students Thirteen were involved in fights at Lanphier

By PETE SHERMANSTAFF WRITER
Published Tuesday, November 08, 2005

The Springfield School Board decided to expel 18 high school students at its meeting Monday night - probably the most ever expelled at one time, according to School Superintendent Diane Rutledge.

Thirteen of the 18 expelled students attended Lanphier High School and took part in fights at the school on Oct. 25. About that many were arrested as a result. The board also expelled, for unrelated incidents, two other Lanphier students, two from Springfield High School and one from Southeast High School.

"It was a very sad day for us," Rutledge said. "We are not proud of that kind of thing."
All the students were expelled for the remainder of the school year, and most were offered alternative education options.

Rutledge said the district, the Springfield Police Department and social service agencies are working with many of the expelled Lanphier students and their families to resolve issues that lead to the fighting. According to police, the fighting stemmed from neighborhood gang-related disputes.

Part of the problem, some board members hinted, might be explained by high school expectations.

Following a briefing of tougher state-required high school graduation requirements, board members were concerned that they actually might stifle interest in learning. The new requirements, which gradually take effect during the next four years, increase the number of math, writing and science courses needed to graduate, while decreasing the number of elective courses.

"I think it's great that there's additional requirements. But I'm really concerned about keeping kids interested in school. And I hate to see that there's going to be fewer (electives)," said board member Cheryl Wise. "It really does bother me."

"If you look at the number of kids that we have expelled today - as the numbers continue to grow, in terms of expulsions - I think we need to look at: Why aren't they interested in school, really?" said board president Judy Johnson.

"Some of them want to be there. They come in and say they want to be in class. Yet, still, they're acting out. ... What are we doing as a district to look at that?"

Tiring Week

2005-11-08T08:07:00.000-06:00

I'm currently portraying Sr. Mary Myopia in "Nunsense" in Jacksonville, IL.

Oh, OK...you got me...I'm simply running the spotlight.

There are at least 4 or 5 different shows running this weekend in town (try http://gordonproductions for a complete listing), and I'm sick that I can't see any performances of "A Few Good Men". Oh, well. The joys of people who can't schedule correctly. It's better than my old town of Little Rock. At least we can get people to audition. I heard through the grapevine that they had 4 women, 3 men, and a couple of kids audition for "110 in the Shade". LMFAO.

So, yes...I'm in "Thespian mode" again this week.

So rant and rave at me...you know you want to ;)

My "It List"

2005-11-04T16:49:00.000-06:00

Ok...so I'm not as good as some people about the pictures & text thing - but these are the hotties on my list ;)

If This Is Any Indication of How My Weekend Will Be Going...

2005-11-04T13:12:00.000-06:00

Sigh. I'm in the shower this morning, I bend down to get my conditioner which has fallen onto the floor, and hit my head severely on a hook that is on the shower wall. Hurt like hell...I didn't think anything of it...I have a scar on my forehead that sometimes aches (call me Harry Potter).

Get out of the shower, and lo and behold...I have a gash on my forehead. Not a big one, but dear GOD...right next to the scar that is already there.

Wow...the joys of being clumsy...I think I'll refrain from drinking this weekend...I'll wind up like the drunk out at Marley's Pub who fell and hit his head on this bar on Tuesday night...but that is another story altogether ;)

Have a good weekend, all.

Mindless Blogging

2005-11-01T10:27:00.000-06:00

I'm sitting here desperately awaiting 4:00 PM. My heart is racing...my mind is reeling. (I could start singing tunes from "Wicked", but the non-thespians out there just sooo wouldn't understand).

I am waiting for my special someone to come and visit me today. Luckily, today is the 1st day of registration, and my working at the Help Desk at the college, I'm swamped with calls of mass stupidity. "I can't register." Well, hon you haven't taken a class out here since 1999. Duh.

Time is slowly crawling by. I've had to stop myself like 10 times within the past hour from calling him. Wow. I'm not nervous. I am NOT nervous. If I keep telling myself this; maybe I will believe it.

Ugh...life and such. I cannot even find anything interesting to blog about. I'm a mess. But I look cute today ;)

What the Hell Has Happened to Separation of Church and State?

2005-10-25T08:48:00.000-05:00

Wow - I'm sure I'll get a rise out of a lot of folks with this one. Sorry, it cannot fester any longer.

While living in Arkansas, I kind of relented to my liberal upbringing. We had our lovely governor leading the state in prayer. I was confused. But yet, I understood. The things that southerners know are BBQ, Fried Foods, and Jeezus. More power to them. Personally, I am not an organized-religion fan. A lot of these fundamental Christians border on the cult-standard. I'm always looking for the next David Koresh. I mean, true Christianity, you are supposed to love your neighbor. Not hate them. Oh! And the biggest one that really gets to me is..."do not judge lest ye be judged". Hmmmmmmmmmmmm. That's all I am saying about that one.

So, I relented that S.O.C.A.S. is null and void in Arkansas. That's fine. It's the south - EVERYTHING'S backwards...and slow. Listen to me talk nowadays - you'll know that it's slow :)

But imagine my shock when I move back home - sigh - finally back in Liberalland. And I find out that prayer and religion is trying to find its way back into public schools. Come again? Religion=Public Schools. Now there's an oxymoron, if I have ever heard of one. WTF? Parents, if it is so neccessary that your child cannot live without praising Jesus for the what? 7 hours a day that they are in school - send them to a parochial school of some sort. Look what a good job they did on me ;)

I Need a Mind Break

2005-10-20T10:41:00.000-05:00

All of this studying of genetics is really bogging me down this morning...so here's a rambling post...but what else is new?

Had my Midterm Conference yesterday afternoon, which was surreal. I was told I had the potential to be an amazing writer one day, I had the creativity which cannot be taught, but I needed to start thinking. What a concept. I thought I was in college to daydream. Muah. My real problem with writing - and I don't know if it is a PROBLEM per se, but totally an issue. I have a very creative mind that about a dozen miles a minute, with dozens of things going on up there at one time. ADD - no. I'm too lazy for that. Bipolar - hmm...quite a possibility. I think I'm just nuts...seriously.

I was reading the Illinois Times online this morning, and I came across the fact that our dear Governor wants to change the age limit for tatoos from 18 to 21. Hmm...that's what we need a bunch of drunk kids going out to get their 1st tats on their 21st birthday. I hope you don't think that I'm anti-tatoo...I'm not. I have a lovely music note anklet on my right ankle...I love it. Yeah, painful...but very "me". My next endeavor will be either a shamrock or a celtic cross on my back. Yes, Dr. Zoom - feel free to comment on that one :)

Granted, I have not lived in Illinois for nearly 9 years now, but I just find it funny that Rod B. only decides to actually do things for the state when it's election year. Is it just me?

Hell, I seriously have no idea what I'm saying...back to genetics...

Slap me...please!!

2005-10-18T14:55:00.000-05:00

Surprise...surprise...

As I mentioned in a previous "Abortion" post...Harriet Miers was being scrutinized for the abortion issue.

Well, let it be known that she was against abortion in 89...the only way she would be for it was if it endangered the life of a mother.

Gee...I'll bet she never talked to Junior about this...

BTW...did anyone catch that picture of she & Junior in Newsweek a couple of weeks ago? Reminds me of a certain intern & a certain former president...hmmm...

Sleep Deprivation

2005-10-18T10:49:00.000-05:00

I recently studied that it can kill you. But is a little s.d. all that bad?

Personally, the past two weeks I get, oh, about a good 3-4 hours sleep a night. But then I usually take a 2 hour *siesta*...if I'm lucky. If I'm not...and I need to do something that evening...like say...THINK...I'll take a sudafed, or something.

Is this wrong? Really, it keeps me more focused. That may sound completely crazy. But it does.

So, yes...please forgive me for these inane postings as of late - I don't think my brain is completely functioning...but one day...it will again.

I'll Get Killed for This Posting

2005-10-17T11:24:00.000-05:00

I was having an in-depth conversation with my father last night, and I truly believe that this is an issue that is completely side-stepped around nowdays.

What has happened to people living in the "real world"? I know this person, and like me, he has stolen, lied to, been arrested for heinous (well, not heinous, really...but stupid) things done to not only strangers, but people who are close to them...friends, family, whatever. But there is one huge difference between us. I have taken responsibility for my actions. I have apologized for my actions. I do not make excuses for what I have done. All I can say is that I was a completely different person at the time that I did these things (the last time being 8 years ago).

This person walks around as if the world revolves around him, and isn't even humble around people that he has hurt. He's hugely egotistical, spiteful, and I am hurt because of this. I want to forgive him for the things that he has done to people that I consider to be my friends. But if you don't ask for forgiveness, how is one supposed to forgive you? He is not living in the real world.

People place all of their faith in God. Which I do not dispute at all. But if you believe in God, then you also should believe that He gave us the ability to make our own decisions in life, and we must take responsibility for those actions. If we do not make the right decisions, then it is our responsibility to do all that we can as mortals to make up for those transgressions. Get a fucking job, stop living in a fantasy land where your entire life revolves around theater, music, and movies. Faith is a good thing, yes. But you cannot just say "I don't have enough money to pay for this bill, but JEEZUS will take care of this for me". That is not acceptable.

Faith is a great thing, but you need to be humble, and get your ass in gear to become a productive member of society. Keeping your ego in check is a good thing.

Yes I'm Still Alive

2005-10-14T13:47:00.000-05:00

Nothing new to really talk about...sooo...

Let's talk about Karma.

Without going into great detail, I learned a great life experience on Wednesday. What goes around comes around, in full circle.

Thats all for today, kids!!

A Day in the Life as a Backstage Dresser

2005-10-11T09:35:00.000-05:00

*Disclaimer - this was written on Sunday night - my how things change in a day*

I love theater...I really, really do. Maybe if I keep telling myself, I will believe it :)

I began performing onstage in Springfield, Illinois at the tender age of 10. As a puppet in a acid-induced production of "Pinocchio" at the Springfield Theatre Centre. Let me backtrack 3 months before then. I may have already posted this story, but what the hell - like I'm going to lose the 2 readers of this blog that I already have.

I come from an extreme musical family. I started violin lessons at age 4. My sister is the musical genius - plays more musical instruments (and plays them well, unlike me) than should be humanly possible. We were brought up on Mozart and Jesus Christ Superstar, for pete's sake. While dad was on "vacation" from singing with the Symphony Chorus, he decided with the help of Teresa Radlinski, the choir director at our church, to audition for the Springfield Muni Opera's production of "Jesus Christ Superstar". He was cast, and I was bitten by the theater bug. I thought, hey this is something that I could possibly do well. I couldn't sing worth a damn, so what could it hurt?

That's the reader's digest version. So, a Drama Queen was offically born!

As a true theater junkie, I've done my fair share of working backstage. Dresser, props, sound, lights, set building, set crew...whatever. I'm not picky. But for the last 8 years I kind of got my head blown up by playing some very interesting roles in Arkansas....The Narrator in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat, Ruby Rae in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas, Maggie in The Shadow Box, Victoria in A Grand Night for Singing...just to name a few. So imagine my delight when I heard that Springfield Theatre Centre was going to put on Jekyll & Hyde. Wow. But we all knew who the leading lady was going to go to. I just assumed I'd be put in the chorus, since I would only have to miss a few weeks of rehearsal. So I put on my most suitable skirt & gold lame blouse...curled my hair up Texas-style...and belted out "Someone Else's Story" from Chess. Made one critical error. I forgot that Springfield doesn't see fat girls as leading ladies. Believe me, that's the last time I use a "touchy" song for an audition here ;)

Or maybe I'm completely wrong. Maybe the reason why I wasn't cast is that I was just going to miss too much rehearsal. Because as good as the chorus is, I know I can go head-to-head with anyone of those women singing and acting. Sounds egotistical? Yeah, but I'm a friggin' thespian, what did you expect? I do have a diva attitude sometimes ;)

But I couldn't NOT work on that show in some capactiy. My father, whom I deeply admire and respect, was in the show. I hadn't been "in" a show with him since 1997. So when this guy asked me to be his dresser, I lept at the chance to be involved without having to move those massive set pieces.

So, here I was on Sunday afternoon...ready to go. Had my bravest game face on. Was prepared with a bowtie in one hand and a vest in the other. I was sooo prepared...time to show these people what kind of a uber-theater professional I have become...annnddd...

I friggin' crashed & burned. I hadn't adjusted the tie NOR the vest. Pfffttt...

The joys of live theater. What a professional I turned out to be.

Check This Out

2005-10-07T14:41:00.000-05:00

Ok, I am sitting up here at my new job - working for the college that I am attending. I have 2 1/2 hours to kill, and I'm incessantly bored out of my mind. My significant other has disappeared this afternoon - damn him for actually having something to do tonight!! Anyway, so I'd thought I'd post this short essay that I wrote for Advanced Composition a little while ago. It's kind of crazy, but gets to the point. Isn't that the story of my life?

So, enjoy...if you dare...

Childrens' Literature

Portraying characters in childrens' literature as animals without a doubt increases the humor in "Olivia Saves the Circus" by Anne Schwartz. For example, one page has to do with cleaning the house. Since the characters are pigs, why does the kitchen have to include dishes piled up to the sink? This leaves one word in this reader's mind: Pigsty.

The classification of humor in this particular story is superiority. Adults are superior to children, as humans are superior to animals. This reminds me of the egocentric way that humans viewed the novel "Animal Farm" by George Orwell. The novel was on the banned book list for years, and it really hit a nerve with humans. How DARE this author even suggest that humans could be overthrown by something so weak and powerless as animals? Perhaps in a way, some sort of salvaging a sense of relief, though it is comic; is to cast characters in children's books as animals. it is much easier to laugh at animals, rather than to laugh at one's self.

Although the characters throughout this book were of swine nature, the majority of books for younger readers, the characters of children are portrayed as animals. Adults tend to believe that children are beneath us, as are animals. In previous years, children were of little value until they had grown; just like animals. By portraying the characters of children as animals, they are indirectly stating the aforementioned point.

Annnnddd...I'm done!

Ok...Time to Take It Down A Notch

2005-10-07T13:21:00.000-05:00

For all of those living anywhere near to Springfield, Illinois - I beg of you to call for your tickets to the "wondermouse" production of "Jekyll & Hyde" at the Springfield Theatre Centre.

While I'm not actually IN the production (that's another posting altogether), I am the personal dresser for this guy http://drastrozoom.blogspot.com :)

And my FAVORITE liberal/communist in Springfield, Jim Leach, also makes an appearance. And my dad, Mr. Hep he ain't too shabby either.

Having said that, I attended a rehearsal last Sunday and can I say "OMG". While the leads are stunning, the biggest shock to me was the ensemble. These voices melt together like pure BUTTAH - I love it!

So, if you want to see the best community theater production that I've ever seen - ever - please c'mon down to the Hoog!

Illinois...Home of the Unoriginal Idea

2005-10-06T17:18:00.000-05:00

Ok...now this is a great idea from the state of Illinois. To have every child covered by the state of Illinois under their own insurance plan. You'd think that by the news coverage, that this was an original idea.

Sorry to burst your bubble, my fellow Illinoisans. I don't know about other states, but when I moved from Springfield to Little Rock, Arkansas in 1998, the same plan had been in action for several years.

So, sorry, Illinois. This is a great idea, but sooo unoriginal.

Another Gem From Everyone's Favorite Prez

2005-10-06T11:43:00.000-05:00

President Bush today said the fight against terrorism must continue in Iraq because that is where terrorists are centering their war on freedom. If U.S. forces withdraw from Iraq, Bush said, insurgents would "use the vacuum created by an American retreat to gain control of a country, a base from which to launch attacks and conduct their war against nonradical Muslim governments."
Hmmm...hmmm...you'd think there was controversy going on in the White House. WAIT!! Read my last blog...there is!!

I just find it undeniably unbelieveable that any time that Jr. finds himself in hot H20, that he goes off on this tangent about terrorism. Hmmm...terrorism. Like the way that the Hurricane Katrina victims were terrorized by the federal government by being deprived of the basic unit of life? WATER??

Terrorism. Terrorism. Maybe if our government would start fighting for our rights here in America, then perhaps the terrorists wouldn't give a hoot as to what the Americans do. Perhaps I'll be killed for saying this. But who cares. I don't have any kids yet. Perhaps if we as Americans weren't so stuck on ourselves, then we wouldn't be experiencing terrorism. We thought that nobody could touch us...nooooo...not America. Land of the free, and all of that bullshit. We got a good lesson though, didn't we.

And what did our fearless leader decide to do? Stick his nose in where it didn't belong. Yes, I was all for Afghanastan. YES - kill OBL! Please get rid of him! But where is he? Isn't he the real threat to the nation's terrorism problem? Instead, someone got all high and mighty and decided that we needed to fight a war that they believed that we could win. Iraq. But we cannot possibly win this war...because it is NOT a war. It is a one-sided blind attack on a country. Yes, I'm sure that Sadaam Hussein is a bad man. A veerrryyy bad man. Who likes Doritos...LOL.

Oh yes...WMD...what ever happened to them? Did we forget that part?

Speaking of Oxymorons...

2005-10-04T12:24:00.000-05:00

To quote Dubya: ..."I'm interested in finding somebody who shares my philosophy today and will have that same philosophy 20 years from now." Hmmm...I wasn't sure that he actually had a philosophy. Seriously though...if you are not aware, he is speaking of his nominee to fill O'Connor's vacancy on the Supreme Court, Harriet Miers. He is being accused of discussing the abortion issue with her.

Which brings me to this point. The history of politics when referring to Abortion. We all know that this is a horribly old issue. At least 175 years old, to be exact. Before that time, the American Government couldn’t give a shit about abortion. In fact, one might hear about abortion services like we hear about fast food restaurants. Then there was some debating about the health issues of abortion amongst the medical communities, and roughly about 20 out of the 33 states in the union had it banned by the year 1860.

But it actually took another 100 years for abortion to become a political issue in the united states. In the 1960’s, pro-choice advocates pushed for legalization of abortion in certain circumstances. On November 3, 1970, voters of Washington State liberalized the state abortion statue by passing Referendum 20 by a 56.6% majority. The law allowed women and their doctors to decide whether or not to terminate a pregnancy. It stipulated that abortions must be performed in a hospital or other approved facility and that it must be done during the first four lunar months after conception. It also stipulated that the woman must have consent of a parent or guardian if she was under 18 and consent of her husband if she was currently living with him. She must have been a resident of the state for at least 90 days. On January 22, 1973, the Supreme Court handed down the ruling on Roe v. Wade. That ruling lifted many of the restrictions on abortion in Washington. Now, a woman could have an abortion through the 24th week of pregnancy; there wasn't a residency requirement. It also stated that a facility that had "such legal/medical controls as would be protective of her health" could perform abortions during the first trimester. Roe v. Wade did not address the issues of spousal or parental consent, but by the mid-70's the Washington State Supreme Court and the U.S. Supreme Court handed down decisions that freed a minor from parental consent and a wife from a husband's consent.

Conservative groups saw an opportunity to increase their strength by exploiting the abortion issue. The founders of the New Right, in an effort to gain more supporters, turned to the evangelical and fundamentalist churches. They sent mail encouraging support for their cause, using the Supreme Court's recent decisions on abortion rights and the removal of prayer in public schools as the motivating factor. They asked church members to give money and to become politically active. The money began to pour in. These conservative groups had their origins in the Barry Goldwater campaign for the presidency in 1964. Among Goldwater's supporters were a core group of individuals who believed that there was a movement called "secular humanism" that was steering our country away from a "God-centered society" towards atheistic socialism. These supporters founded a variety of groups formed to fight communism, civil rights, feminism and other political and social reform movements of the sixties. During the 70's and 80's the social reforms continued and with them, growing opposition in the form of right-wing organizations promoting "family values." After Roe v. Wade, abortion became a major focus of many of these groups. In addition to the controversial substance of the decision, it was also proof of a Supreme Court out of control (in their view), making law instead of interpreting it.Copying the strategy of the civil rights and antiwar movements, the New Right turned to the churches. They developed committed supporters. The leaders in this movement began strategizing about ways to empower themselves. They knew that to achieve their goals, they would have to have influence over the political arena. They wrote manuals for their followers teaching them how to get elected to office. They worked together, often serving as advisors on each others boards. Television soon became the preferred method of reaching the masses. Televangelists seemed to spring up everywhere: Jimmy Swaggart, Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, Oral Roberts and Jerry Falwell reached millions of viewers each week. The leaders of the New Right met with Jerry Falwell and asked him to head a religious right political organization that would put pressure on Reagan and other elected officials to conform to their views regarding abortion, gays and lesbians, sex education, school prayer, teaching creationism, separation of church and state and other issues. That was the beginning of the Moral Majority, which supported Reagan and Bush in the 1980 presidential election. They also supported many candidates for Congress who subscribed to their views. They tried to hinder the campaigns of candidates who were pro-abortion or disagreed with their overall philosophy. The Moral Majority had organizations in every state, and claimed credit for helping to elect Republican right-wing candidates.Reagan appointed several of the religious right activists to federal positions but largely ignored the social issues that motivated them, one of the most important issues being abortion. Some believe that this is what gave rise to the militant antiabortion groups that emerged during the mid and late 80's, such as Operation Rescue, started in 1987 by Terry Randall. The job of legislators has been described as being political as well as law- and policy-making. State and Local Politics states that "the primary job is to defuse these pressures [of competing interest groups] so that the political system can function intact without blowing wide apart." An argument can be made that the Reagan administration failed to defuse the anti-abortionists and, by ignoring them, effectively fueled their fire.Washington has been a victim of the violence that antiabortion protesters have demonstrated all over the country. For example, the Feminist Women's Health Center opened a clinic in Everett in 1983. They were greeted with a barrage of harassment, hate mail and personal threats. They were bombarded with phone calls to jam the phone lines and disturbed by as much noise as the protesters outside could make, all in an effort to close them down. The first fire bombing came shortly after they opened their doors. Before they were closed for good, less than a year after they opened, they were fire-bombed twice more. Although some of the leaders of the anti-choice movement denounced these actions, others thought they were justified.With the Reagan administration focusing on foreign policy and economic issues, the religious right became frustrated. In addition they had a number of setbacks when three initiatives to restrict abortion failed in Washington in the mid to late 80's, with two not even reaching the ballot. The antiabortion cause was waning. They stepped back and refocused on the local level. They began going after state and local offices -- including local Republican Party organizations. They had long since given up on starting their own political party. Taking control of the Republican Party was the best political move they could make. This was the beginning of the fight for the Republican Party in Washington State. The earliest success came with the Pat Robertson campaign for the presidency in 1988. Pat Robertson was one of the early televangelists, and is the founder of The 700 Club. He used his show to introduce politics and politicians to his viewers and to encourage them to become politically active. During Pat Robertson's bid for the Presidency in 1988, he carried Washington state in the primary caucuses which was a large contrast to both the rest of the country and polls of Republican voters within the state. This demonstrated the vulnerability of the caucus system to takeover by small but committed groups. With the ease of contacting and staying in touch with their constituency through weekly church attendance and his television programs, Robertson's supporters were able to organize a large attendance at the caucuses, voting for Robertson's delegates. Since state presidential caucuses generally have a sparse turnout, even a small group, if it fully attends, can have a powerful impact on the results of the caucus. This could be one of the reasons that the state has moved to a presidential primary to either replace or supplement the caucuses.

This is a small bit of information just to prove my original thought before I got all misconstrued by factual information. I find it hard to believe that George Jr. would pick someone that he knew was pro-abortion. We know that he has brought “Jesus back to the White House”, according to the Christian Collation.
Why do we allow people to force issues down our throats such as abortion and gay marriage? My thoughts about abortion are plain & simple. A man shouldn’t decide them. Any man. It should be purely a woman’s decision. And leave it at that. Nothing else. So shoot me, I was raised Catholic, and I’m pro-choice. Who would have thought?

Liar, Liar...Pants on Fire

2005-10-04T11:50:00.000-05:00

OK – So I Lied.

When I first moved back to Springfield, my goals were these:

Work on schooling
Find a job
Find a car
Find KIMBERLY HEPWORTH again

The last thing that was on my mind was finding a partner…Boyfriend, lover, whatever. That was something that I really thought that I didn’t want. I wanted to be single, as I honestly have been since January of this year.

Much less would I have thought that I would have “found” someone in fucking Arkansas, to add the icing on the cake.

I was a firm believer that long-distance relationships do not, and cannot work. I tried one quite awhile ago, and it was horrible. But maybe that was because of the person that I was involved with.

This certain person that I am currently in a relationship with is simply amazing. I’ve known him for 5 years, and he’s been semi-pursuing me for that long. But, me not being in the right state of mind during those times, how could I even contemplate even speaking with him in a romantic fashion? And how can I possibly want to pursue a relationship with someone in Arkansas? I just moved from there.

Then I let him in. Damn it. I fell hard and fast. Turns out he was correct the whole time. Have you ever spoken with someone that shares your ideas on every single subject? He's an artist, and a fantastic writer. And he reads (LOL-oxymoron - from Arkansas & reads). Same tastes in music, movies. AND he used to do theater years ago. He is very easy on the eyes, as well. But put all of that bullshit aside. He makes me feel as if I am the most beautiful, talented, and intelligent woman on the planet; puts up with my drama queen attitude (I know you all are SHOCKED to hear that I have one!); and most of all, he loves me. How could I not pursue this? He is simply amazing.

So that’s just a little insight as to what is going on right now. No, I’m not moving back to Arkansas. We’ll just see what happens.

Emotional Control or Lack There Of

2005-10-02T19:34:00.000-05:00

Okay, as women we know there comes a time right before THAT time of the month where we want to kill our own emotions, called PMS.

Why do some of us go off the deep end during this time of the month? I cannot explain it. All I can say is that to those who I've hurt, or gone off on during these times, I am truly very sorry. Case in point. A guy I am semi-dating, tonight he told me to call him back at 10:00 because he was going to watch a program on television. Cool, right? Well, any other time I would have been. This certain time, I felt my face get hot, my heart plumment into my feet, and it felt as if he had kicked me in the chest. So I felt it best to cut it short, since I didn't want to take him down the road of insane emotions. Better to hold it in, right? Hell, why do you think I am blogging now? Should I have held it in? Or should I have went nuts on him? I knew at the time that I should not have been so stupid. It's a television program, right? It's not like this person & I never talk - we spend at least 7 hours a day talking to one another. What the fuck is wrong with my brain today? I felt as if he was saying "Fuck you, this program is so much more interesting than you are". But he wasn't. *Sigh*

I'm nuts during this time, and for that I sincerely apologize. I hope that you can forgive me.

Yes, I'm Fat...So Please Quit Staring

2005-09-30T00:37:00.000-05:00

Plus-sized. Pleasantly plump. Obese. Curvy. BBW (big beautiful woman), large, super-sized. These are the most offensive words to a woman like me. Why can't we go back to what we are?

Fat.

I love to eat. I mean I love to eat. There is nothing better to me than a food orgasm. Except, well, maybe...you know. But still. It's not like I'm 400 lbs., though. I do have curves...plenty of them. But I am a fat chick. So why do I get stares at every restaurant that I walk into? It's not like I got this big by dieting all of the time. And yes...I am one of those fat chicks. I drink Diet coke with everything (Submit your own pun here).

I am fat. But not unattractive.

I am fat. But not desperate.

The other day I was on yahoo messenger and someone IM'ed me and said to be this big I was awfully flat-chested. If he was to date me I would have to get breast implants. And do you know what offended me the most? Not the fact that I said I was big...but that I needed breast implants. What the hell? I don't get this whole obsession with plastic surgery. Of any kind. No, I'm not getting the gastric bypass so I can find a husband. If I diet, it's usually because I want a good role in a show. For myself. Not for anyone else.

I am fat. But I know someone who is completely attracted to my mind, body, and spirit.

I am fat, but he makes me feel as if I am the most beautiful woman in the world.

I am fat, but I feel liked a whole lot, and perhaps even loved.

I am fat. But not lazy.

I am fat. And yes I have had sex.

I am fat. That does not mean that you can treat me as though I am less than human.

I am fat. But that does not mean that I don't have self-esteem.

I am fat. Why the hell won't you cast me in your show?

I am fat. But it does not personify who I am.

I am fat. Get over it. I have.

A Non-Partisan Look at Political Satire

2005-09-28T22:00:00.000-05:00

Political Satire: Provoking Change

When looking at the effectiveness of humor when trying to make a political statement, there are a vast number of sources that may be described. Looking back through history, we find reasons why humor has been associated when someone is giving his or her views on political issues.

One of the first instances of humor when wanting someone to understand your political viewpoint would be found hidden in nursery rhymes, or other popular verses. One of the most well-known were in reference to Mary, Queen of Scots, or Bloody Mary, as she was often called by the people of Scotland.
The cousin of Elizabeth I, Mary became the Queen of Scotland when she was only an infant, since she was an only child. She spent most of her childhood in France, and was brought up in the Catholic Church. After returning to Scotland to fulfill her reign as Queen, she was ill-received, as the majority of the Scottish people had converted to the Prodestant church and no longer agreed with the teachings of the Catholic religion.

As a married, beautiful, and free-spirited woman, she had numerous adulterous affairs, which many people, knew about. Due to the influence of the puritanical Scots, one of them was murdered by her husband’s orders. To make matters worse, he was murdered in front of the Queen.

After her son was born, the Queen’s husband was murdered. The belief of the Scots was that the Queen herself ordered his death in retribution for killing her lover. As a result of her handiwork, the Scots overruled her and had her banished from Scotland, and later forced her to sign her own execution after years in exile.

Since the Queen was extremely quick to use the guillotine, the public had to find a way to voice their opinions without Bloody Mary knowing exactly what they were talking about. One such instance was in the nursery rhyme, "Little Bo Peep".

"Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep
And can’t tell where to find them.
Leave them alone, and they’ll all come home
Wagging their tails behind them" (Harrowen, pg. 160)

This was a parody of how the Queen treated the people of Scotland. The "sheep" being the people of Scotland, and Little Bo Peep referring to Queen Mary. She believed that while in exile, sooner or later the people of Scotland would invite her home to fulfill her reign, and that they would welcome her home with open arms. Another popular nursery rhyme that is directly related to Bloody Mary is:

"Mary, Mary quite contrary
Where does your garden grow?
With silver bells, and cockle shells
Pretty maids, all in a row." (Harrowen, pg. 160)

There are conflicting stories as to what exactly the people of Scotland were referring to. Some believe that the tone of the rhyme suggests the parody of her flirtatious behavior, and that the term "Pretty maids" refers to her ladies-in-waiting whose names were all "Mary".

Others believe that this was a much more somber nursery rhyme. They believe that the terms "Silver bells", and "cockle shells" are the different torturing devices that she used. Cockle shells, was referring to a torture device involving the male genitalia, while the final line is actually speaking about the guillotine.

It may seem simplistic, comparing a nursery rhyme to modern-day political satire, but since this particular matriarch was know throughout Scotland for her torture devices, one would gather that someone would be in fear for their life if they were to make a quip about her.

The art of political satire simply scratched the surface in 16th century Europe when compared to today, and in particular, American political satire. We as Americans took the early satire of nursery rhymes and ran with the idea. Since we are a "free country", it is a more pronounced brand of satire that those in Scotland, for example.

One of the greatest, an American author, Mark Twain, was one of the first blatant satirists. For example, "The War Prayer", was an acidic accusation of war, and in particular of blind patriotism and religious zealousness as motivations for war. As dramatic as that description of "The War Prayer" sounds, it was a satire, nonetheless.
Although we are branded a "free country", it was not published until long after his death, because to do so before would have cause great havoc.

As it was earlier stated, there are many types of political satire. Probably the most popular in our culture is the political cartoon. According to Encyclopedia Americana, cartoon "targets" are most often "in the field of political or public affairs, but they may be social customs, fashions, or sports events or personalities", this can be traced back to the modern political cartoon by making pictorial satire available to the masses.
In America, it became widely popular with the election of President Jackson, the Mexican War, and the Civil War. Before the end of the 21st century, the daily "editorial" cartoon was a feature of many newspapers. (Encyclopedia Americana)

Why has the visual aid of a cartoon become such a staple in our lives? In general, it has a great deal to do with the fact that we are a visual nation. For example, which would sell the audience your political point. A picture of the liberty bird dressed in bright red, white, and blue colors, stuffed in an extremely tight cage (which was gray, a wonderful alliteration) with just 2 words below it: "The Patriot Act". Or a bland black and white slogan stating, "The Patriot Act Sucks". The first example gives the target audience a chance to form their own opinion, with just a hint from the artist. Most people do not like "preacher"-type humorists who tell us what we should believe. It is a very generic form of art and comedy, voicing one’s own opinion, yet allowing the reader to form one of their own.

We use the term satire almost daily. But what does satire truly mean? Satire is defined as "a literary technique of writing or art which exposes the follies of its subject to ridicule, often as an intended means of provoking or preventing change". (Encyclopedia Americana) In other words, it is truly "Comic rationality". (Critchley, pg. 79) Or, using comedy to make sense of the lunacy of our political system.

If the aforementioned statement is true, then that is an agreeable rationale as to why more Americans are tuning into alternative sources for their news programs, such as Jon Stewart’s "The Daily Show" on the cable channel Comedy Central. We are searching for something other than the normal banter that is the "usual news".

Perhaps, we get tired of the monotonous news on the zillion cable and local news networks. Possibly we are even disgusted with news programs that are burdened with objectivity, and even journalistic integrity. Then again, perhaps the truth is better when taken with a grain of salt, or not too seriously. Just maybe it is easier to get a point across by doing something other than preaching.

As we look at the most popular political satirists of today (i.e. Dave Chappelle, Chris Rock, Bill Maher, and Rush Limbaugh); all of these satirists provoke something within us. It does not matter whether we are excited because we agree with what the person is saying, or get upset for we do not see eye-to-eye with their political views. They have ejected some sort of raw emotion from their audience. Isn’t that the point of satire? To provoke us to want to make a change, or to even change someone’s view of the political system today?

Political humor forces us to look at ourselves. It makes us look at our government, and if we do not like it, then we have the power to change it. Or at least try and change who is running the government. To look inside ourselves, and find what we believe to be true. For if you believe that the best humor comes from truth, wouldn’t the most honest truth be a result of humor?

Just My Luck

2005-09-28T20:10:00.000-05:00

Just my luck...right person, right time, wrong state.

Okay, so I've known this certain someone since, oh, say circa 2000 or 2001. Wonderful guy. Great writer, loves theater, same music tastes, television and movie tastes...and some things I won't publish on this blog. But wtf...he lives in Arkansas.

If you've read any of my previous postings, you'll know that the reason why I moved to and moved away from the lovely, exciting state of Bill Clinton-land was because of a pseudo-relationship that I was in. This person and I communicated for about 5 years off & on, and being with psycho person, I didn't want to let him in, for fear that the psycho would scare him away. As the psycho did to so many others that I could have connected with. I wouldn't even meet him for coffee.

So out of the blue, I began reading his blogger page. Was totally blown away. Nothing like a great read. So I just dropped him a line to say hello, and we began talking. I mean REALLY talking. Have you ever had a moment when you were like "damn". You just knew instinctively that this could possibly BE. Be what, you're not sure...but maybe, just maybe...

It's like everything just seemed to fall into place. Like...I don't know. I actually gave him my number. I mean, fuck, I'm 500 miles away...what can it hurt. And I hate talking on the phone. Seriously. We talked for 3 hours. Three freaking hours. Like I was a teenager, but adult conversation. He totally blew me away.

So what now? I seriously do not know. Stay tuned...I'm sure a heartbreak is headed my way...

100 Things About Me

2005-09-28T00:08:00.000-05:00

I stole this from my dear, darling, childhood friend's blog...Sorry MzO!!

100 Things About Me

1. I have never been married
2. I have no children
3. I believe in God
4. I am a liberal democrat
5. I have 2 nephews who I love more than myself
6. I am 1/2 Irish 1/2 British and some German & French, too...I associate with the Irish
7. I lost my grandfather one year ago
8. I smoke Marlboro Lights 100's
9. I am a great friend
10. I would make an even better partner
11. I have not had sexual intercourse in two years
12. I am a great actress
13. I am an even better singer
14. I love science, studying medicine
15. My mother is neurotic, but I love her more than anything
16. I want kids someday
17. I want a husband someday
18. I have connected deeply with someone recently
19. My father is an alcoholic
20. I once was disowned by my family
21. I used to be a cleptomaniac
22. I sought therapy from the ages of 14-18.
23. I used to be a drug addict
24. I am a victim of domestic violence
25. It is very difficult for me to open up romantically
26. I have a tattoo
27. I want another tattoo on my back
28. I just want acceptance
29. I am very open-minded
30. I do not hate anyone
31. I am extremely sensual
32. I love Mozart
33. I am a geek
34. I believe in true love, in soulmates
35. I think I love someone, but I'm not positive
36. My family means the world to me
37. I hate my job
38. I make more with my unemployment check than my job
39. I have never owned a new car
40. I am a fantastic cook
41. I am fat; but not unattractive
42. I love my hair
43. I love my friends
44. I love my eyes
45. I am a sucker for blue-eyed men
46. I am attracted to men of an artistic nature
47. I have a hippie nature
48. I am a good writer
49. I love diet coke
50. I wish I could dance well
51. I love documentaries
52. I love to laugh
53. I will be 30 on December 28th
54. I don't feel 30
55. I am attracted to inner beauty rather than outer beauty
56. I do not believe in organized religion
57. I just bought a car
58. I am a great kisser
59. I am intelligent
60. I like gaming
61. I wish I would have practiced the piano more
62. I try and emulate my parents
63. I am majoring in Clinical Laboratory Science
64. I am a humanitarian
65. I love cats
66. I love dogs
67. I love to read
68. I am horrible at math
69. I love intelligent conversations
70. I prefer mind-foreplay
71. I miss my friends in Arkansas
72. Cancer runs wild in my family
73. I am the only woman over age 21 without a child in my family
74. I have one sibling
75. I want to play Jessie in "'night, Mother" someday
76. I have been performing in community theater for 19 years as of next month
77. I was brought up on classical music
78. I want to retire to Colorado
79. I want to visit Ireland and the UK someday
80. I think I'm a good person
81. I am ready to settle down
82. I don't get enough sleep
83. My mother is a breast cancer survivor
84. My uncle died of lung cancer when I was 11
85. My aunt died of a brain aneurysm when I was 19
86. I have 9 first cousins on my dad's side of the family
87. My maternal grandmother is 86 and drives back & forth from Colorado to Illinois at least twice a year
alone.
88. I love meeting new people
89. I am a Capricorn
90. I want to be loved unconditionally by a person not in my family
91. I walk at least a mile a day
92. I have large birthing hips
93. I love solitude at times
94. I also love being with friends at times
95. I don't study enough
96. I smoke too much
97. I wish I could re-do my high school years again
98. I wish I could re-do ages 19-21 again and not hurt anyone that I love
99. I miss the person I recently connected with
100. This list is only a sample of who I am today

There Oughta Be a Law

2005-09-27T10:56:00.000-05:00

Ok...just a quickie.

Someone ought to put a gag order on Michael Brown (that is the BROWNIE Michael Brown - the FEMA flunkie).

He stated today that "Dysfunctional Louisiana" was to blame for the mass devestation. WTF? I mean, since we're placing blame here, what about being under-qualified for your position? An administrative assistant trying to run FEMA? That's like me trying to actually WORK for the government.

Jesus, let a sleeping dog lay. Haven't these poor people been through enough?

Thank you, drive through.

Another Test - Another Dozen Brain Cells Gone

2005-09-27T10:39:00.000-05:00

LOL - a math exam I forgot about today. Talk about being "stuck on stupid"

But I had an amazing conversation with a friend of mine from Arkansas last night, if you ever need a good read go to http://mikebrown.blogspot.com he's an amazing writer, and not too bad of a person :)

I'm enjoying my time off from the big mouse these few days, doing absolutely nothing. Gotta love it!!

Well, I'm off to enjoy my burnt toast...

A Plethora of Useless Bantering

2005-09-22T00:06:00.000-05:00

Okay - I have a lot on my mind today. So please bear with me. A lot of subjects in one useless blog.

A New/Old Car, a Lesson in Priorities

Georgia's not so bad sometimes. Sometimes. A neighbor was selling their car for $800, she talked them down to $700, and I put in $300, she came up with the other $400. Wow. My independence has been renewed.

So imagine my suprise when a friend of mine who is directing Nunsense in Jacksonville asked me to play Sr. Robert Anne. Wow. I was so excited - being cast without auditioning. Then sunk in the truth. Why am I back in Illinois? School. Work. I've got a shitload on my plate this semester, and I know me very well. I am a true performer at heart. I would have put everything on the back burner to play this part. So let's go over the list of priorities, shall we?

Gas is really expensive. Really expensive. Would I be able to afford cutting down my hours at the big mouse, and paying probably $20 a day in gas? Probably not.
One of my finals falls during tech week of the show. Nix.
Georgia threatened to kick me out if I took the part. 'Nuff said.

Welcome to the real world. I don't think I've ever lived in it...while in Springfield, Illinois.

My Favorite Singer of All Time

2005-09-09T18:07:00.000-05:00

After that last posting, can you see why I'm coming down with a cold?

Ugh...something to lighten my spirits...and YOURS after reading that! While this clip cannot compare to "Yodeling the Classics" (actually, Brain Boy, it's much better!), it does bring a smile to my face.

Back in 1994, a vocal director from a musical that I was in played this at a cast party. I was in tears; I was laughing so hard. Read up on Ms. Florence Foster Jenkins, and PLEASE listen to this audio clip at the end.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Florence_Foster_Jenkins

Have a great weekend!!

Post-Exam Time

2005-09-09T09:37:00.000-05:00

Ok...does all-night studying work?

I really don't know. I read & re-read this crappy material on my first unit test in Biology. Whew. It contained basics for Biology...no biggie. Then came Simple Chemistry & Organic Chemistry. Wow. We'll have to see. I made the most informed decisions I could...but who knows. We'll have to see about that "maybe" majoring in Microbiology. I have to give it up to my dear friend who is a science major. Wow. He must have a brain somewhere.

I thought I had a brain...after 2 exams today, I'm really not so sure. I could sure use some tequila. Any offers?

A Quickie...Usually I Hate These...But...

2005-09-08T20:28:00.000-05:00

LOL - not THAT kind of quickie. Get your mind out of the gutter! The gutter is for me!

Heard on NBC nightly news today that FEMA is now advising the victims of Hurricane K. to call between the hours of 2 A.M. and 6 A.M.

Draw your own conclusions!

It's Dehydration Synthesis Time!

2005-09-08T15:56:00.000-05:00

LOL - that is what I found myself explaining in Bio lab today, and actually GETTING what it means, and how it is related to Disaccharides. Wow. I forgot how much I honestly love studying science. Why I didn't get it in high school, is beyond me.

What an interesting day ;) I'm trying to study for a "Math for Morons" test, a Bio Exam, and write an essay. Welcome to my world.

Meme Time!

2005-09-07T15:24:00.000-05:00

Thanks to this one
http://drastrozoom.blogspot.com

Here's my listing:

7 things I plan to do before I die:
1) Get my PhD in Journalism
2) Find a husband...or even a steady sex partner would suffice right now
3) Play Elphaba in "Wicked"
4) Quit smoking
5) Play Velma to Rebecca's Mama in "Chicago"
6) Have some kids
7) Find my "true north"

7 things I can do:
1) Roll my hips REALLY well
2) Drink more tequila than should be consumed by human beings
3) I take good notes!!
4) I can laugh at myself better than you can!
5) I cook my behind off (literally)
6) I'm a mediocre writer
7) I laugh at DrAstroZoom's jokes!

7 things I cannot do
1) Argue with Georgia - but then again - who would?
2) Dance well
3) Put my leg up over my head without stretching ;)
4) Confess my feelings freely (intimate ones)
5) Wolf-whistle
6) Sing a high D anymore...damn Marlboros
7) Hate

7 things that attract me to the sex of my preference:
1) Eyes - blue are a plus
2) Teeth - you must have them all
3) Intelligence
4) Stamina
5) A little attention is nice
6) Open-Mindedness
7) I agree with the butt thing

7 things that I say most often:
1) That's a Hot Ass Mess
2) Demons be Gone!
3) Pipe!
4) Biotch
5) Oh dear God!
6) I really can't do that with you...but what the hell...
7) Well, kids...aaauuuggghhh

7 celebrity crushes:
1) Robert deNiro
2) Angelina Jolie
3) James Gandolfini
4) My real - life
5) Crushes are much
6) more interesting!!

OK..Something More Personal

2005-09-07T09:46:00.000-05:00

Ok...for the last few blogs (with the 7 Most... Excluded), I've been on some liberal rage. For that I humbly apologize. I really have a lot going on internally, so if you'll bear with me...here goes.

I did something quite odd this weekend...I won't bore you with the details, as it may freak some people out...but let's just say if you know me I've not done this in years (no, it isn't the drug thing). Go to the other spectrum.

While I should be racked with guilt, I am not. The person who I was involved with this thing...I deeply care for & respect. I'm trying not to obsess over it...should I have done it? YES. A million times yes. Should I do it again? I surely hope I will have the chance to do so. There. It is said. And I think this goes back to Dr. Z's earlier posting of guilt. Does it matter? As long as I feel decent about doing something, should it matter? Fire away.

Oh, Kimmy got a job. Can you believe it? Living in Springfield, a full time student and working. I swear, the end times are near. I feel overwhelmed, yet happy. I've got a circle of friends that I deeply love and have a wonderful time with...and I'm a "productive member of society" as my uber-Catholic Grandmother would say.

So am I glad that I moved back home? Hard to tell. At least I don't have to worry about fighting anymore. That is a complete load off my back. I'm happy in a way...I love my family, and I'd do anything for them. I'm kind of weirded out in a way, too. I'm being told that I look 18 everywhere that I go. ...I'll be 30 this December. Thanks for the genes, Mater!!

And while I dreaded 30 for as long as I can remember, I think 30 is going to be a wonderful age. I'm full of life...love...free spirit...now if I could get CAST in a show here, I'd be 150%!!!

Short...but Sweet

2005-09-06T14:23:00.000-05:00

This is actually from my sister, so I can't take credit for this one:

Associated Press Writer

WASHINGTON

Buffeted by criticism over the federal response to Hurricane Katrina, President Bush said Tuesday he will oversee an investigation into what went wrong and why _ in part to be sure the country could withstand more storms or attack.

Isn't this like having Osama in charge of the 9/11 commission investigation?!?!?!?

It's Almost Been a Week

2005-09-04T21:57:00.000-05:00

It's almost been a week, and only recently has something been done to aid the victims of Hurricane K. But not to aid ALL of the victims. There are still a few counties in MS that haven't been visited. Why? What is the real deal?

I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm Left-Wing. I was raised that way, and will be so until my dying day. But this is completely a non-partisan issue. I thought, even in my leftist brain, that Dubya would actually DO something this time. He did...but too little too late. They've already found 59 bodies in Naw'leans. Lord knows how many more they will find when the waters dry in a month & 1/2. I'm sickened.

Now, I propose that we come up with a new name for FEMA. Something that ends with assholes. They sure talk a good game though, don't they?

More than ever, I am ashamed to be an American. We have too much money in this country to have let these people suffer. While you may say it's a race issue, I would rather say that it is a "class" issue. 99% of the people who stayed in NOLA didn't do so by choice. It was because they either were sick or elderly & could not work, or too poor to afford to leave.

Hmmm...if FEMA could find the buses AFTER the storm to move the victims to Texas, then why couldn't they do so before? These are questions that every American needs answers to, and what's more, is that we demand these answers. NOW.

What the Hell is Wrong With the US?

2005-09-01T15:01:00.000-05:00

Being addicted to CNN and various news channels over the past 3-4 days in response to the tragedy of Hurricane Katrina...I am sickened, saddened, and really, really pissed off.

Today I heard that the Lieutenant Governor of Louisiana said that the people who didn't evacuate New Orleans did so on their own free will. Hmmm...that really burns me a new asshole. What the fuck is going on? There were over 100,000 people who could not afford to leave, or who were too sick, or too elderly to do so. My God. It's funny how FEMA was able to scrounge up charter and school buses to transport the people from the SuperDome over to Houston to the Astro Dome. But they weren't able to do so BEFORE the disaster? And don't tell me any of this bullshit that they didn't know. THEY KNEW. The Weather Channel screamed for 24 hours "IT IS A CATEGORY 5. THIS SPELLS OUT CATASTROPHE". Does an evacuation plan only count for people who have cars?

More later...I need to smoke after that. My prayers are with EVERYONE who was affected by this tragedy.

My Sense of Humor

2005-08-26T21:35:00.000-05:00

If I had to choose one word to describe myself, I would have to choose gravity-deprived,
or clumsy. Ever since I can remember, I have been running into things, falling when absolutely
nothing is there to trip me, numerous broken bones, chipped teeth, you name it - I’ve done it.
My first memory of the family curse of clumsiness has to be when I was in
kindergarten, attending Cathedral Grade School. It was the last day of school in 1980, a typically
stifling hot early June morning - and this was before air conditioning was heard of in Catholic
schools. Seriously, we as Catholics are made to suffer "To remember what Jesus went through".
Or maybe it was to conserve energy. Who knows?
Since it was the last day of school, we were permitted to go without our school uniforms.
If you ever attended a private school, you know that this was the best thing next to Christmas!
My grandmother at the time thought it was an ingenious idea to dress me and my sister and I up
as if we were going to mass. So here we are, complete in our pigtails, shiny Mary Jane shoes,
brand new peach-colored linen dresses that were homemade. Homemade dresses of course were
a must-have as we were growing up. They always matched, and I believe this is one of the main
reasons my sister and I fought like cats and dogs. When you are eighteen months apart, you
barely want to speak to your sibling, much less be dressed like the Bobsey twins
After suffering in the classroom for 4 hours, my long dark hair, which was slicked back
into double pigtails at 7:00 A.M. Now my head resembled that of someone who stuck her finger
into an electrical socket. My sister and I were now ready for our hike up Fifth Street to visit my
grandmother who had come into town the day before from Evergreen, Colorado.

I was doing my best to keep up with my older sister, which is hard enough in my usual
sneakers that I would wear to school, but this was excruciating in the stiff maroon-colored Mary
Jane’s. Which I often called my "booze shoes", because my mother told me that they were wine-
colored. My routine was to look down at my feet to make sure that they were following what my
brain told them to do. Sometimes they had a mind of their own.
I was paying extra-special attention to the cracks of the sidewalk, for it was nearly a
mortal sin at that time to step on one of them. The next thing that I remember, my sister is yelling
"Watch out, Kim!" and I am face-first in warm, fresh cement.
I look up, horribly embarrassed, to see Katie’s face pink with delight. She screams at the
top of her lungs, "Hurry up! You’re going to freeze into the cement!" Nothing could have
frightened a six year-old more. I try and get up and my legs felt so heavy, that I fell back into the
cement, which sent my sister into a fit of hysterical laughter. She grabbed me by the back of my
dress and pulled me onto my feet. She informed me that I had to keep moving before I froze
before we got home, which was another four blocks away.
By the time we got home, the stuff was feeling like cardboard all over my body, and I
was crying so hard that I had streaks down my cheeks that had penetrated through the cement. As
I was plunged into the bath water within two seconds of entering the house, this was my first real
lesson of taking myself lightly. Obviously I had flunked that test.
Four years after the "Cement incident", I discovered my great passion in life. Performing.
At the age of ten, I stepped onto the boards of Springfield Theatre Centre in a production of
"Pinocchio".
For me, performing has been a very humbling experience. As human beings, I believe

that we all start out our childhood as very self-centered people, and usually something that we
perceive to be traumatic happens in our lives, and thus begins our transformation of grounded
adults, or taking ourselves lightly. Performing has taught me a great lesson. To laugh at yourself
before anyone else has a chance to do so.
When I first began acting, I thought this was a way to put my clumsiness behind me. I
mean, if we are able to portray completely different personalities, we should be able to
incorporate that into our body movement. Boy, was I wrong.
After eight years of playing different small character roles in Community theater
productions, my big break came in Southeast High School’s production of "L’il Abner" in 1994.
After preparing for this audition for several months, I was confident that I would feel great about
my audition for the role of Mammy Yokum.
I hit a little snag, though. I was famous, or rather, infamous, in Springfield for being a
"repeat offender" - that is beating a song to death in every audition throughout town. This
particular year was no exception. The song was "Love Changes Everything" from the musical
Aspects of Love by Andrew Lloyd Webber. Why this was a snag is this was not a romantic lead.
Mammy Yokum is the comic relief. As soon as I got out two bars of the song, the director
informed me that he would like for me to do an up-tempo song. Ah, the joys of bad decisions! So
he chose for me "All That Jazz" from Chicago, and I nailed it, and the role of Mammy Yokum.
The performances went off without a hitch, with the exception of the last matinee. I was
parading around in my final scene in a pink taffeta dress, which happened to have a gigantic bow
on the back that went all the way to my feet. Yes, you guessed it! I tripped, fell, and landed on
my knees. At first, I was speechless. Not a thought popped into my head. Then I played it off as
if I was having a temper tantrum. I pounded my fists on the floor, and my friend, Micah, who
was playing my husband, helped me up.
What this has led me to is my sense of humor. I have learned that laughing at one’s self
before anyone else has the chance to do so is probably my way of relief. It helps mask my
insecurities and embarrassment of my lack of coordination.
I believe that if I didn’t have this sense of humor about myself, that I would absolutely go
insane. Whether it is when I hit a wrong note, forget a line, or fall on stage, you had better
believe that I will be the first one to talk about it with a huge smile on my face!

Finally - it's Friday - My review of LLCC this week

2005-08-26T20:50:00.000-05:00

Ok, Ok.

Again and again this week, I've asked myself: Am I absolutely insane for starting college at age 29? Yes, I went to nursing school in 97, but that's a completely different ballgame. As Becky once said "It was nurse prison". Something I had to do. As a former drug addict, it was completely necessary at the time in order to get my life together. And I have absolutely no regrets whatsoever.

And the degree I am seeking. Journalism. A certain writer with the AP actually made me realize my passion for writing again, and however much I love performing...it far outweighs my love of performing. God. I never thought I'd say that (or type that) out loud. But it is true. While writing my 1st Draft of my Humor Narrative in Comp 111 this week, I found that something just FLOWS out of me. Whether it is good enough to make a living at, who knows. But at least I can say that I really am trying.

While by no means do I mean to belittle Lincoln Land Community College by this statement: I feel like I am in high school again. Since I graduated from SSHS in 1994, it's quite a culture shock. The cattiness in the classrooms, professors having to explain why we should come to class on time. I guess it's a good thing.

I have to take freaking remedial Math. It's about to kill me. I scored through the roof on writing and reading comp, but my mind kind of went blank when it came to math. So, the first thing we studied was the placement of numbers. Not decimals or anything. TENS, ONES - HUNDREDS. I amost died. I knew I needed help, but GOD.

Biology - the first few days I thought I would pass out from boredom. Nothing makes me more tired than hearing about the make-up of different atoms. Ugh. Hopefully it will become more interesting later.

Psychology - this is wonderful. When I took it in nursing prison, nothing made me happier. Maybe that is because I am from a fucking nutso family, and now I know what is wrong with them ;) Seriously, nothing makes me happier.

Comp - I absolutely love this. It is studying Humorous writing. I was horribly taken aback at first, because when it is put on the spot, I am horribly self-conscious. What if I'm not funny? What if I make an absolute ass of myself? Worse than usual? Whew.

Well, all in all, not a BAD week.